Page 20 of Bleeding Hearts

I’m pretty sure that it’s an excuse, but I don’t call her out on it.

You see, that asshole roommate of hers, the one who she claims she hates and makes her life a living hell, pretty positive they’re fucking. Or she’s falling in love with him. Or both. Gabby’s much more private than the rest of us, so it’s hard to tell.

“Bummer.” I pout. “What about you, Alvin? Want to give up your bachelor pad and come live with me?”

“Fuck no,” he says a little too quickly, barking out a loud laugh. “No offense, Doomsday, but having you live with me for a week was the most living with you I can take in this lifetime.”

“Whatever, your loss.”

“So, how’s it feel to be the first one out of all of us to be in a big-girl relationship? I mean, you’re moving in with a man, essentially giving up any privacy you had and legally binding yourself to him,” Theo asks Lo, cringing as he does. “Sorry, commitment gives me hives.”

“I don’t know.” She laughs at him. “It doesn’t feel that different, honestly. Everything has always felt natural with Kade, so I guess this just does too.”

“You guys are so cute. It’s gross.” He sighs. “I’m gonna be single forever.” He leans back onto the couch dramatically, kicking his legs out straight across it with his feet landing right on top of Lo.

“Absolutely not.” She immediately pushes his feet off her lap and onto the floor. “You know that I don’t do feet.”

“Excuse you. You should be honored to have my feet in your presence. I get a fresh pedicure every week on those babies. People would pay good money for pictures of their pristine perfection.”

“When in the hell do you have time to get a pedicure every week? I barely have time to sleep most days,” Gabby chimes in.

“Also, isn’t every week a little excessive?” I add.

“I’m on my feet a million hours a week at the hospital. These babies deserve to be pampered.” He brings his feet back onto the couch, this time farther away from Lo. “And I find the time. We all must sacrifice for beauty. You three should know this.”

“Okay, sure.” I nod my head, conceding. There’s no point in getting into an argument with Theo, he’ll always win, and he won’t stop until he does.

“But seriously,” he continues. “I always thought I’d be the first to give up my freedom and settle down, and now it’s looking like not only will I not be first, but I’ll be last. Or maybe I’ll just never find love and I’ll be alone forever. Ugh, how sad.”

“You were literally just saying commitment gives you hives and now you’re complaining about being alone? I’m so lost,” Lo says.

“Also, what the fuck are you talking about? I’m still painfully single.” I look at him, confused.

“So am I,” Gabby adds.

“Oh, please. Gabby, you’re totally fucking your hot roommate.” He looks at her pointedly.

“No, I’m not,” she says a little too quickly. She sits up straighter, a slight blush covering her cheeks and neck.

“Oh my gosh, you liar. You totally are.” I squeal, slapping her arm where she sits next to me. “I knew it.”

“I’m really not.” She shoves her face into her hands to hide, refusing to comment any further.

“Leave the poor girl alone. You’re no better, Doomsday,” Theo says. “You’re totally crushing on Asher, your supposed friend that you help fuck other girls.”

“Whatever, he’s hot. Of course, there’s a small, teeny-tiny part of me that is crushing on him, but that means nothing. We’re just friends, end of story. Plus, he doesn’t need any help finding girls to fuck, trust me. I’m just there for moral support or some shit, I don’t know.”

“Or maybe you’re there because he secretly wants you to stop him and declare your undying love for him so you can both ride off into the sunset together.” He pauses, turning to Logan. “Oh, Demi. It’s been you all along. Please marry me and let me fuck you into oblivion for the rest of our lives.” He brings his hands to his chest, batting his eyelashes at her.

“I’m not playing into this.” Logan rolls her eyes at him.

He huffs before turning the other way, changing characters himself. “Oh, Asher. Yes, I’ll love you forever. Please father all my children.” He pretends to be me, breaking out into hysterics, barely getting the final words out.

Logan and Gabby join in, laughing with him and I can’t help laughing myself. I’ve never been one of those people who can’t laugh at myself. In fact, I laugh at myself much more than I probably should.

“You’re all ridiculous. I need alcohol.” I stand, walking toward the kitchen to get drinks.

“I’ll help.” Gabby jumps up to follow me.

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