Page 4 of Bleeding Hearts

I was curious. I should’ve listened to the old curiosity killed the cat phrase because the sex fucking sucked.

Not only did it suck the first time, but it also sucked pretty much every time after. I couldn’t break up with him though, because if I did, where the fuck was I supposed to live?

So, I sucked it up, pun intended, had sex that made me yawn more than moan and stayed with him for a little over a year.

Until I walked in on him fucking a redheaded goddess who was moaning like she was starring in her own porno.

I stood in the doorway, frozen to the spot for a moment before they noticed me. My first thought was,Well fuck, I might be sleeping on the streets tonight. My second thought was,How the fuck was she enjoying Jake’s small dick so much?The moans had to be fake, right? Or maybe Jake had never been the problem at all, and something was wrong with me?

Before I had time to think up a third thought, Jake’s new friend seemed to notice my presence and let out a shrill scream. Jake turned his head from where he hovered over her, his dick still inside of her, and his eyes met mine for all of a second.

“Yeah, so obviously, we’re over, Demi.” He shrugged nonchalantly, not bothering to pull out of her as he spoke to me. “Now could you get the fuck out?” he said, raising his voice to a yell.

That’s all it took to kick me into gear. I spun on my heels and practically ran out of the apartment to the coffee shop around the corner.

I felt like I was running on fumes when I walked into the coffee shop, ordered some sort of large, iced coffee, thinking caffeine might steady my mind enough to figure out what to do next. I was walking out of the shop, coffee in hand, when I walked right into Logan, spilling my coffee all over her.

I pretty much broke down after that. Crying while simultaneously trying to clean the coffee off her. Word vomit about what I had just walked into started pouring out of me and kept pouring out of me until Logan cut me off, offering me a place to live with her.

She helped me pack my shit that night and I moved in with her. We’ve been best friends ever since. I think about how lucky I was to have found her on that day at that time as I walk back to our apartment.

I shrug my blazer off, letting the sun beat down on my bare skin.

Logan doesn’t know much about my family or anything that happened before Jake. Nobody really does. It’s my best-kept secret, if I do say so myself. But it’s days like today that make me want to just spill it all to Lo.

I know she’d understand and be there for me better than anyone. It’s just that every time I try to say the words out loud, my mouth goes dry, and it feels like I lose the ability to speak altogether.

I was so scared for so long. I kept all of his secrets for so long, and now they feel impossible to share.

The one thing I do know is that if I can’t talk about it, I have to do something to get my mind off it. My phone pings with a text and I look down to see Asher, my half brother Kaden’s best friend’s name, displayed across the screen.

I met Asher a few weeks ago when he came to my apartment with Kaden for dinner.

When I first opened the door and saw him standing there next to my brother, I had to fight the drool threatening to fall from my wide-open lips. Then he started talking and it took me all of five minutes to figure out he was a fuckboy. A smoking-hot fuckboy, but a fuckboy nonetheless.

Now I have no problem with fucking around. Just because I haven’t had sex in three years doesn’t mean I’m against anyone else living their best life. It just isn’t for me.

I had sex with one guy after Jake. It was a one-night stand, and I was much more attracted to him than I ever was to Jake, so I thought, why not try this again? The sex was still shit and that’s when I decided clearly I’m the common denominator here.

Three years later and it’s just me and my handy-dandy vibrator.

I can’t say that I wasn’t intrigued by Asher when I first met him. He oozed sexual energy, and I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe it would be different with him. But it was only a thought and could never be a reality.

First, because he’s my brother’s best friend. Second, because with his experience, he’d probably destroy me. And even if both of those weren’t true, I don’t think he’d ever see me like that anyway.

Aside from my obvious sexual attraction to him, I actually like Asher. He’s charismatic and also fucking hilarious. He walked me to my car when I had to leave the dinner early and we talked for a little while on our way out.

I found myself not being able to help the smile glued to my face when I was near him. He made me feel a little lighter inside and that was a feeling I wanted to hold on to.

So, before I left, I gave him my number. I told him to text me if he ever wanted a friend to hang with or if he wanted help playing matchmaker between my brother and Lo, which he was obviously doing.

He was surprised I was so chill about Kaden and Logan clearly having a connection with each other, but to be frank, it didn’t bother me even the slightest.

Kaden and I may not be close, but I know he has a shit past, just like I know Lo does. I think they might be good for each other. Plus, Lo was there for me when nobody else was. If he makes her happy, I’m all for it.

Asher has texted me a few times since that night. Mostly just random memes that make me laugh or saying that he misses my cooking, but we haven’t actually seen each other since that night.

My mind tells me that we’ve pretty much entered the friend zone at this point, but my heart and my body still aren’t so sure.

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