Page 30 of Bleeding Hearts

Lo already bought me everything I’ll need to cater the food, keep it warm, and get it from pointAto pointB. It’ll probably take me a full day of cooking, but it’ll all be worth it as long as their day is perfect.

The two of them have been through more than most people and deserve all the happiness, so if I can help contribute to that, I’m more than happy to.

“Finally.” Theo sighs as I walk up to the corner table he’s sitting at in Carl’s. “I’ve been sitting here alone like a weirdo for fifteen minutes. Are you ever on time?”

“Nope, not really. You know this, Alvin.” I plop down in the booth across from him, picking up the vodka cranberry he already got for me and taking a sip.

“Whatever.” He rolls his eyes. “Anyway, let’s get into it. Wedding planning. It’s going to take a lot of work to turn this place into an acceptable venue,” he says, looking around the bar. “Frankly, I have no clue what they were thinking when they decided to have their wedding here of all places.”

“They were thinking it’s the place where they first met. It’s sweet.” I smile. “Plus, I think they both want an overall low-key wedding.”

“I don’t do low-key.” Theo huffs.

“Well, good thing it’s not your wedding.” I take another sip of my drink before pulling a cherry lollipop out of my purse, unwrapping it and popping it in my mouth. Theo stares at me with disgust as I do.

“Must you do that here?” He snickers.

“Do what?” I speak around the lollipop.

“The lollipop in a bar. It looks like I’m having drinks with a child.” He looks around as if he’s worried someone might see. “I swear you’re always sucking on those things. Do you have some sort of oral fixation? Haven’t sucked a dick in a while and have withdrawal pangs? I understand, sweetie, I really do, but let’s find you a man then so you can lose the childish candy.”

“You’re terrible. I don’t have an oral fixation.” I look at him with wide eyes. “Lollipops are just fucking delicious.” I shrug, holding the lollipop outside of my mouth so I can speak. “And I’m not looking for a man. Sweets are much better than a man could ever be.”

“First of all, I beg to fucking differ. A good man can be fucking delicious.” He sighs as he thinks about it. “And the only reason you don’t want a man is because you’re hung up on your boy toy.”

“Asher’s not my boy toy.” I roll my eyes.

“How’d you know I was talking about him then?” He smirks.

“Because he’s the only man in my life that you would assume holds that title.”

“Whatever, the point still stands.”

“I’m not hung up on him, Alvin,” I say, using the nickname I know he hates. “We’ve talked about this. We’re just friends.”

“And you’re one-hundred-percent sure about that? That you’re just friends and that’s all you’ll ever be?” he asks and I hesitate to answer.

The truth is the more time I spend with Asher, the more I begin to question whether it really could be something more, on my end at least.

The whole reason I avoided anything beyond friends with Asher in the first place is because of sex. It’s basically his entire life while it’s played such a small part in mine.

I’ve always thought the reason I never enjoyed sex was because of me. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know how to relax, I didn’t know how to let myself enjoy it, etc.

Yeah, I’ve always been fine when it’s just me and my vibrator but bring a man into the equation and it’s more awkward and uncomfortable than pleasurable.

When I’d only ever been with Jake, it was easier to believe that he was the problem. He always felt a little bit selfish when it came to sex. It was never about how I felt or what I wanted but simply about him getting off, which normally happened fairly quick.

But then I saw him with the girl he cheated with, and she looked like she was having the time of her life. Why was he able to make her feel that way but not me?

I tested the theory again with my one-night stand but still had a rather shitty outcome. The experience was better than it was with Jake, but I still didn’t enjoy it enough to come.

He sure did though, and he passed out about two minutes later. I didn’t bother even staying. I just got dressed, left, and went home like nothing ever happened.

I thought maybe it was him again. Maybe I wasn’t into it because he was a stranger and even after doing it, I still don’t know how I feel about having sex with a stranger. I tried to rationalize the fact that I had just had two bad experiences, but my head had never worked that way.

Those two experiences made me decide that I was the problem, and once the decision was made, my brain wouldn’t let me see it any other way.

But then Asher came into my life. Yes, he’s my friend, but the attraction I feel toward him is like nothing I’ve felt with Jake, No Name, or any other man for that matter.

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