Page 37 of Cherish

For a second, I want to say no. I want to grab his hand and accept the Crown I know he’s more than willing to cede back to me. But I can’t do that. Not now, and—depending on how things go in the Shadow Realm—maybe not ever.

Because the Crown is bigger than any one gargoyle—as is the power it carries within it. And while I accept the power and the responsibility that comes with it, I also accept that the likelihood of me dying on this quest into the Shadow Realm got a whole lot higher with the Bloodletter’s revelations.

But if my general is telling me there is time, I will listen to her and go. Mekhi is my friend—one of the first friends I made at Katmere after my cousin, in fact. There is nothing he wouldn’t do for me or I him. But the Crown and its power must stay here. Mine to reclaim if I make it back from the Shadow Realm. Alistair’s to hold, and to wield, if I don’t come back.

“I’m certain,” I tell him, even though I’m not. Even though I’m terrified I’m leading the people I love most into another slaughter like the Trials.

But what other option do I have? Sneak away alone? Leave Hudson and the others here and try to find my own way into the Shadow Realm?

Hudson would never stand for that—and I don’t blame him. Because if he snuck away to protect me simply because he thought something was too dangerous for me, I would never forgive him. How can I even think about doing that to him—or any of my friends, for that matter?

“Thank you.” I finally break the silence in the room. Artelya watches with a solemn expression as I bow slightly to my grandfather, the newly reinstated gargoyle king.

He nods but doesn’t say anything. Nor does he make any move to turn away again.

For the first time in a long time, the silence between us feels uncomfortable. Oppressive. Then again, that could just be the thoughts weighing so heavy on my mind.

Either way, I take a step back. My friends are waiting for me—and so is Mekhi.

“Is it permanent?”

I freeze at the question, at the wary concern that Alistair doesn’t even try to hide.

“No,” I answer as honestly as I can. “It’s for a week, maybe two. Just long enough for us to cure Mekhi and bring him home. But I can’t take it with me to the Shadow Realm, either. If something were to happen to me there, I don’t want the Crown to die with me.”

“Are you sure the Shadow Realm is the real reason for your abdication? Or is it about your mate?”

“Hudson?” The accusation startles me so much that I blurt out his name. “Why would this have anything to do with Hudson?”

Surprise flashes across Alistair’s face, but it’s gone so fast that I can’t be sure I didn’t imagine it. “I must have been mistaken.”

“I don’t believe that,” I shoot back. Since he broke free of the fog of the Unkillable Beast, Alistair has been super sharp. Way too sharp to make an accusation like that without something serious—and tangible—to back it up. “Tell me the truth, Grandfather. Why would you think me giving you the Crown has anything to do with Hudson?”

He glances to the Bloodletter before answering, but her face is impassive. Alistair sighs, then says, “Because the rules of primogeniture are preventing the Vampire Court from stabilizing. Since the abdication ceremony hasn’t occurred, it is not too late for Hudson to rescind his abdication and take the throne, but your mate is refusing to do so because it would mean asking you to abdicate instead…or leaving you.”

My grandfather’s words go off like a bomb, sending shock waves slamming through me so hard that it takes every ounce of energy I have not to show how shaken I am.

“Hudson’s not leaving me,” I tell him when I can finally find my voice.

“Hence the reason your grandfather was concerned about you giving him back the Crown.” The Bloodletter eyes me critically. “Itisjust temporary, isn’t it?”

“Of course it’s temporary!” I squawk, even as my heart beats like a metronome at its highest tempo. “As long as I make it back from the Shadow Realm alive, I plan on reclaiming the throne.”

But even as I say it, doubts start to creep in. Not just about what might happen in the Shadow Realm—those doubts have been there all along—but about Hudson as well.

If what my grandparents are saying is true—and they have no reason to lie—then something bigger than he’s letting on is going on at the Vampire Court. And he hasn’t told me anything about it.

For a second, I flash back to the way he’s been glued to his phone all day. Not just using it for cover while he thinks, like he usually does, but actually texting. A lot. Even though most of the people he would be texting were in the room with him. With us.

Still, it doesn’t make sense for Hudson to omit something like this. Something this big, especially when it affects both of us so completely.

My stomach pitches as I consider Hudson’s options and why he might not have told me himself about what’s going on in the Vampire Court. He’d have no problem telling me everything if he was refusing the vampire crown—we discussed his abdication extensively before he brought the decision to the Vampire Court. But he would struggle with telling me about a harder choice.

I rush to say good night to my grandparents and Artelya as fast as decorum will allow, unable to hear a word they say over the heartbeat pounding in my ears.

Because there’s an answer I desperately need, and only my mate can give it to me.

I need to know if Hudson is planning on leaving me.

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