Page 180 of Cherish

The pain grows, pressing down on me with more force than that bear ever could. Stealing the air from my lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe. Even before I turn my head a little more and find Macy and Eden closer to the tree.

Macy is curled into a ball, her entire body tensed even in unconsciousness, braced for one more blow, while Eden, in her human form again, is laying on her side next to her. She, too, is unconscious—or worse. She, too, is bruised and battered and broken. But she’s still reaching out for Macy, her hand just brushing against my cousin’s sea-green hair.

Heather is several yards away from them, her crumpled body exactly where it landed when the bear knocked her away. And next to her, facedown and completely still, is Hudson.

My Hudson.

A sob wells up in my throat as I see his bloated, shattered body laying at an unnatural angle. Oh my God, the bear must have gone after him, or he it, after I was knocked out.

I start to call to him, but his name lodges in my chest, suffocating me. Terror, horror, agony washes over me, and I use every ounce of strength I have to push up to my knees, to try to crawl across the space between us to get to him. But my body is too broken—I’m too broken—and I fall back to earth with the first tiny forward movement that I make.

“Hudson!” I gasp his name out now. “Hudson, please.”

He doesn’t stir, and everything inside me turns to night. Because Hudson would never leave me suffering if he could prevent it. Hudson would answer me if he could. Hudson, my Hudson, would find a way to reach for me.

And he’s not this time. He’s just laying there, an empty shell of the man I will love for eternity. Which means he’s gone. He’s really gone.

Pain like nothing I’ve ever experienced wells up inside me. It rips through me like the ocean, rolls me over like the steady, relentless pounding of the waves. It drags me down like an undertow, burrowing deeper and deeper inside me until I’m drowning, and I don’t even care.

I did this.I did all of this.The truth of the words ricochets inside me.

I was the one who didn’t ask more questions about the tree. About the Celestial Dew. Andeveryonetried to warn me Celestials were not meant to be trifled with. But I ignored them, chose not to listen, not to ask, not to question a single thing that might result in us not trying to save Mekhi.

I buried my head in the sand, like I always do when I don’t want to face something difficult, and I just kept barreling ahead.

And my friends have all paid the price.

My kick-ass, take-no-prisoners bestie has paid the price.

My sweet, sad, shattered cousin has paid the price.

My stubborn ex-mate and his loyal-to-a-fault boyfriend, my friend, have paid the price.

Even my friend who can see the future, who put his fate in my hands when he came anyway, just because he knew I’d need him, has paid the price.

And my mate, my beautiful, broken, tear-down-the-world-for-me mate, who has already suffered more than anyone should ever have to, has paid the price.

Because I bought into my own propaganda instead of taking care of them.

Because I didn’t take one moment to think, to plan, before leaping headfirst into danger.

Because I let every single one of them down.

I’ve never felt more ashamed in my life—or like more of a failure. I’m supposed to be a leader, and instead I’ve become the executioner for everyone I’ve ever loved.

My parents died trying to protect me.

Xavier died because I wasn’t strong enough.

Luca died because I couldn’t save him.

Rafael, Byron, Calder, and even poor Liam died because I couldn’t stop a war.

And now this.

I’ve injured or killed everyone I’ve ever loved because I haven’t been strong enough or smart enough or good enough to save them.

Agony rips through me, and this time I don’t whisper Hudson’s name. I scream it. Over and over again.

---