Page 29 of Absolution

“Because in his mind, I belong to him. Body and soul.”

Chapter 19

Gina

I couldn’t lookat Leo now that I’d finally spoken the words.

“Are you saying what I think you are?”

“Yes.”

After my talk with Madeline, and then Gideon’s phone call, I knew it was time. As much as I wanted to continue blaming Leo, hating him for everything, I couldn’t. It wasn’t fair, and I needed to accept that. It was only a matter of time before Gideon called again, or worse, showed up. No doubt he’d twist and distort the truth, and I wasn’t going to let him take my truth from me.

“Christ. When?”

“This first time it happened, I was fifteen. I was on my way home from school when, out of nowhere, this fancy car with blacked out windows stops in front of me. The back door opened and sitting there in the back seat was Gideon. He slid over, making room, and told me to get in.”

“Why didn’t you run?”

“He pulled out a gun. Besides, what would it have mattered? One way or another he was going to make me get in that car with him.”

“How long did it last?”

“The rape?” Leo flinched at that word. “Until I was seventeen. But the emotional trauma began long before that. Even before you left, Gideon always went out of his way to make me uncomfortable. Lingering touches, never in an inappropriate place, but still enough to distress me.”

“Son of a bitch,” he whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how. I felt like it was my fault somehow. Like I’d encouraged him without meaning to. I also didn’t think you’d believe me.”

“Jesus.”

“Once you were gone, the bolder he became. He did start touching me then, accidentally of course. Then it moved into sexual innuendos I had no trouble discerning, even at my age. The older I got, the more explicit and threatening Gideon got. He would describe in precise details exactly what he was going to do to me. He’d remind me that you’d left, and there was no one to protect me. For two years, I was afraid of my own shadow, never knowing when he’d finally follow through. Until he did. After that, I wasn’t afraid anymore. I just wished I was dead. I couldn’t do it, though.”

“I swear to god I’m going to kill him. I should have paid more attention. Looking back, I think I could tell you weren’t entirely comfortable around him. I remember you always staying close to me when he was around.”

“I was too young to know how black his soul truly was. I mean, we were all just kids. Foster care fucked us all up in some way. Yes, he made me uneasy, but I don’t think either of us could have guessed the extent of it.”

“You lived with his torment for years, Gina. You don’t have any idea how much I hate myself. Knowing what he did to you.”

“That’s not all.” This was the worst part.

“Jesus, what else?”

Finally, he closed the distance between us. He knelt at my feet and my eyes met his.

“Whatever it is, it can’t be worse that what Gideon did.”

Leo’s confident words bolstered my strength.

“It was shortly after my sixteenth birthday when I discovered I was pregnant.”

“Ah, fuck, Gina.”

“I was terrified, and I had no idea what to do. I was a kid in foster care with absolutely nothing. In the end, I did the only thing I could.”

He reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear. “I’m so goddamn sorry you went through that. I can’t imagine how scared you were. How alone you must have felt. You probably didn’t feel like you had any other choice. I mean, what else could you have done? My god, no wonder you’ve hated me all those years. If I hadn’t left, none of that would have ever happened to you.”

“We don’t know that. Like you said, Lorenzo was pulling you further in. Maybe you would have gone to jail like you’d feared. What if you’d been killed? Either way, you wouldn’t have been there to protect me from Gideon. So, there’s nothing to say even if you had stayed, that my life wouldn’t have turned out the same way.”

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