Page 52 of Absolution

“Fuck, I’m sorry. That wasn’t fair.” Feeling like shit, I reached out to touch her arm. She jerked it out of my reach.

“Fine, you want me to tell you about Jacob? I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

“Gina, stop,” I pleaded.

She jumped up from the chair, her chest heaving with anger.

“No, you’re the one who opened Pandora’s Box. You can’t close it now. When I got to town, I had nothing. No money. No job. I was an eighteen-year-old drug addict who, for years, had been told that her only value was her body. So, I used that. I started taking my clothes off for money and drugs. I’d been working at the club for almost two weeks when Jacob spotted me. He liked what he saw, and he paid a lot of money for a private dance. Only more than just dancing went on. Is that really what you wanted to know, Leo? Were you wondering if Jacob and I used to fuck?”

She brushed away angry tears, and I could only sit in shamed silence.

“You went off to the Army and did something good with your life. You saved people’s lives. I don’t begrudge you that or the better life you made for yourself. But don’t you dare sit there and look down your nose at meorJacob. For two years, he was the one good thing I had.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again, because I truly was.

“He saved my life one night.” Gina ignored my apology as she paced back and forth across the kitchen lost in her memories. “I’d gone to get more drugs, but Jacob wasn’t there. I was already high when I arrived, but I was on my last few pills, so I waited. I couldn’t leave without getting my stash. One of his men took me into a bedroom where I passed out. When I came to, a man was on top of me, and my skirt was rucked up around my waist. I started screaming and fighting. He punched me. I kept fighting, but he was too strong. The next thing I know his body was jerked off me, and Jacob shot him.”

“Jesus.”

“He had no idea I was in the house. He’d heard my screams and killed the man trying to rape me. That was the turning point for me. It was at that moment I knew I had to get clean. I told him I was done with the pills. Do you know what his response was? ‘Good. You deserve better than this shit’. Can you believe that? A drug dealer, telling one of his buyers, someone who keeps him in business that they deserve better? He didn’t try to change my mind. Not once did he try to find me and lure me back. No. He encouraged me to get clean, because he actually gave a shit about me.”

Tentatively, I rose from my seat and approached her. Afraid she’d reject my touch again, I slowly reached out for her. This time she didn’t jerk away, but she remained rigid in my arms.

“I had no right to ask those questions, and I’m sorry. It seems like all I do is hurt you.”

“There’s nothing I can do to change my past, and it’s not fair of you to use it against me.”

“You’re right, it’s not. My comments were made purely out of jealousy. I was jealous of your relationship with him.”

“He and I don’t have a relationship. Not anymore. Up until three weeks ago, I hadn’t seen him in six years.”

“It doesn’t matter. I was jealous of the fact that he’s been the one you’ve called friend for all these years, when it should have been me. I’ve missed our friendship, Gina. It’s torn me up all this time knowing you’ve hated me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand now why you did, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I don’t hate you anymore,” she whispered softly. “What Jacob and I had was complicated. It was also entirely unhealthy. He was the first man I willingly slept with, but even then it was all tied up in my drug dependency. He was kind and gentle and treated me with respect. At the time, I needed that. I needed something to chase away the ugliness. But beyond the pills, he really couldn’t give me what I wanted or needed. I loved him the only way I could, but it was never going to be enough. Because he wasn’t you.”

Her words hit me right in the gut. They also sent a sense of self-satisfaction through me, which I squashed. I thought of all the women I’d been with over the years. Of how I’d always felt there was something missing.

“I’m sorry he couldn’t give you what you needed. Because you deserve to have everything good in this life. But I’ll be honest and say I’m glad he couldn’t. If he had, maybe you and I wouldn’t have met again. I’m really glad you’re in my life again. I… I love you.”

“Wh-what?” She stuttered.

“I said I love you. I know there’s been so much shit between us, all of it my fault, but I want you to know that I love you, Gina Elizabeth Castillo.”

Chapter 33

Leo

It tooka few days after our blowup about Jacob for a truce to return between us.

“Focus. Punch. Jab. Upper cut. Keep moving. Stay light on your feet.”

My grip tightened on the punching bag, and my whole body vibrated when Gina landed a solid shot to it. She’d been getting stronger over the last couple of weeks and taking less dosage every day. She also hadn’t responded to my declaration of love. But I could wait. Caught unaware by my wandering thoughts, I stumbled backward when her fist collided with the bag.

“Shit, Leo, are you okay?”

Gina peered around at me as I steadied myself after the lightning strike that just hit. Knowing she wasn’t ready to hear the words, I laughed it off.

“Damn, slugger, I should have been paying more attention.”

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