Page 5 of Absolution

Chapter 3

Gina

“Thanks for working me in.See you Wednesday.”

My anxiety lessened slightly once I hung up the phone with Madeline. She’d been my therapist almost from the time I moved to Pinegrove and knew all my deep, dark secrets. I’d never experienced more relief when I discovered she was also in the lifestyle. At least I didn’t feel like a freak when I talked about how kink and being submissive helped calm my frayed nerves and tempered any of the panic attacks I still had.

On the nights I didn’t go to Eden, when they became too much, I called Sonia. She was really good at talking me down from the ledge I constantly toed. Which is why I picked up the phone again and dialed her number.

The first time she’d come over, she’d joked about me being an old lady in a young woman’s body. I was probably the only person in their mid-20s who actually had an honest-to-god, old school, spiral cord landline phone hanging on my wall in the kitchen. Call me quirky, but it was part of the house when I’d toured it, and I loved it so much I kept it.

“Hello?”

I exhaled, and my shoulders sagged and relaxed, releasing tension I didn’t even realize I was holding until she answered.

“Hi. It’s me.”

“Are you okay?” It had been almost six months since I’d had to call, and I heard the worry in Sonia’s voice.

“Not really. I’ve been struggling lately. With everything.”

“Talk to me, Gina.”

I dropped into my kitchen chair. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“I guess the first question is: are you using again?”

“No. I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about it. But, no, I’m not using.”

“Well that’s good.” Her relief was palpable. Sonia took her role as my sponsor seriously. She was a fifty-three year old grandmother who’d fought, and won, against her cocaine addiction back in the mid-eighties. “What’s the thing you’re struggling the most with right now?”

I wrestled with the thought for a moment before settling on an answer. “Leo.”

“Okay, let’s talk about that. What about him is pushing you in any certain direction?”

His ruggedly handsome face popped in my head. At eighteen, he was just beginning to show signs of the man he was becoming. Now, though, he’d stop a woman in their tracks. Every time I scened with another Dom, I swore I could feel his steel gray eyes observing me. The fucked up thing was, I sometimes chose someone to scene with because he was watching. I wanted him to see me submit to those other Doms and know exactly what it was he was missing.

“The other night when I was hanging out with my friend, I told her about the calls. She freaked and told her husband who owns a private security company. Of course, Leo was nearby, and now he’s suddenly trying to act like we’re friends. He wanted me to know he’d be there for me if I needed anything.”

“You should probably be talking to your therapist about this, but Leo ties into your sobriety. I’m not a shrink, but we both know you have so many unresolved issues with him. I think if you can fix that shit, instead of pointedly ignoring it, then that would take some of the burden off you.”

I hated the fact Sonia was right. I’d avoided Leo for a year, ever since the shock wore off that first night he’d been at Eden. For the briefest moment, I’d been so happy to see him. No matter that he left me in hell, all the feelings of that thirteen-year-old girl came rushing back. I was glad he was alive. At the same time, I wished he’d never come back.

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I have an appointment with Madeline in a couple days.”

I could almost see her nod of approval. “I’m glad. There’s only so much help I can give in that arena. You need someone a whole hell of a lot more qualified than me.”

“You’ve helped me more than I can ever tell you.” It was true. Sonia had been there for me from the moment I attended my first meeting.

“I’m glad. Now, what else? I know it can’t be just Leo.”

My head was beginning to hurt from thinking about everything.

“These phone calls are getting to me, especially because they’re coming more frequently. I’ve tried denying how much, but it’s getting harder. I keep telling myself that Gideon’s just fucking with my head, but —.”

Sonia practically growled at me. “I keep telling you that you need to go to the police.”

“What am I going to say? ‘Hey, the guy I helped put away eight years ago is getting out of prison soon and having someone call to remind me of the fact’.”

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