Page 44 of The Hurt of Letting Go

My father stares at me for several seconds without saying a word. After an awkward amount of time has gone by, he throws his head back and lets out a laugh unlike any I have ever heard from him before. His usual laugh is forced, like when he is making some business acquaintance happy after they tell a poor joke. But this laugh? It’s not forced at all and his entire body shakes.

After composing himself, my father looks back at me. “Oh, you had me going there, Conrad. You flew all this way to play a joke on me? We don’t have that kind of relationship, son, but I appreciate the humor. Haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

Clearly, he thinks I’m joking, and telling him I am more than serious makes me nervous. Growing up, my father was a strict and serious man. While he was never abusive to my mother, siblings, or me, he did instill fear in us by making sure we knew the power he had. We knew to never go against him or break his rules, or there would be major consequences. Not once did one of us make it to the major consequences, and luckily, when we broke his superficial rules, he was never home, like when I was creeping out of the house, getting drunk at a party, or when I would sneak a girl into my room.

Clearing my throat, I continue with our conversation. “Glad I could give you that good laugh, but I’m being serious, sir.”

He sobers, and the vein that always appears on his forehead when he’s angry makes itself present. “What do you mean, Conrad?”

“Liliana was a good choice, and you are right; she is a beautiful woman, but I can’t make her my wife. All the other obligations I will uphold, as expected of me, but this is one of your rulings I can’t follow through with.”

The vein makes a stronger appearance. “You speak to me as if you have a choice.”

A lump forms in my throat. Howard Dugray can be a ruthless businessman, but he usually saves the harshness for work-related conversations. His family would be on the receiving end of a curt tone. But at this moment? I’m getting the ruthless Howard and for the first time, I’m becoming scared around my own father.

“Sir—”

“Shut the fuck up this moment, Conrad,” he cuts me off. Leaning forward, he rests his forearms on the thick wood of his desk and takes a deep breath, releasing it through his flared nostrils. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you’re a goddamn moron for coming into my office and making demands like you just did. If you think there is even a chance of taking over my business and not marrying Liliana, you are in for a rude awakening of what the real world is like, boy.”

Sitting upright, I square my shoulders. “Like I said, sir, I will still uphold my other obligations as expected of me. There is someone else in my life, and it would not be fair to Liliana or myself to follow through with your plans.”

He barks out a laugh once again. “A woman? You’re going against your obligations for some pussy? Boy, I told you once you’re married, you can have any sidepiece you want. Liliana is good for breeding, but a man has needs. Marry the girl and keep your other one on the side.” He gives me a pointed look. “Just as long as you always wrap it up with other women. Don’t need any bastards running around, and God knows how hard it is to get these whores to get rid of the thing when you have money.”

My blood boils anytime he mentions side chicks and just the way my father speaks about women. My mother is no saint and has had her own affairs, but she would never speak about the people she has been with the way my father does.

“Respectfully, you’re wrong. Emree is more than that, and I won’t keep her as a sidepiece. She means more to me than that, and I plan to marry that woman, whether you accept that decision or not.” It takes every bit of strength in me to say this to him, but it needs to be done. I’m tired of living the life he wants me to and feeling shackled when it comes to what I want.

My father stands, using his over-six-foot height as a power advantage over me in my seated position. “It seems you have become stupid since the last time I saw you, so I’m going to make this very clear.” He rounds the table to stand in front of me. “You have two choices here, Conrad. You either marry Liliana Hawthorne after graduation and move here to learn the business and eventually take over, or you go with this woman, but you’re cut off. Nothing from me from this point on.”

My jaw slackens, but I manage not to let it fall. “You would really disown your own son because he fell in love and wants to be with that woman?”

An evil grin appears on his face. “Don’t act like we have this close father-son relationship. It wouldn’t be a loss on either of our ends.” He stares off into the distance, pondering a thought. “I will say it’ll have been a waste of time with all the effort I put into you all these years. Luckily, I trained Archer enough.”

My nineteen-year-old brother is not only the spitting image of my father, but he acts like him as well. For a teenager, he is the most serious young adult I have ever met. While my sister and I had more of a social life, including hobbies and friends, my brother’s idea of a good time was reading the business section of a newspaper or attending a seminar on business fundamentals.

Standing so that my father and I are on equal ground, I look him in the eyes when I ask my next question. “You’re telling me I’m disposable?”

“I gave you your options. Decide and get out.”

The realization that my father is crueler than I believed he was hits me. This man has never cared about his own son a single day of my life. I am a means to an end for him. He needed an heir, and I was born first, making me his project. He may have taken care of me growing up with basic needs and extras that any kid would want, but I owe him nothing. Giving up my life, the woman I can’t get out of my head or heart is not something a father should make their son do.

Deciding to take my life into my own hands, I turn and head toward the door. “Have a nice life, Dad. I’m making my own decisions from here on out.”

Without another word, I leave my childhood home that holds no sentimental feelings. Leaving Emree that day in her apartment after I broke her heart was harder than leaving my family, and that tells me I’m making the right decision.

25

EMREE

Conrad: We need to talk.

The text has been sitting on my phone unanswered since last night. I haven’t talked to Conrad since the parking lot of Broken Yolk, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve wondered why he hasn’t reached out to me. Basically, I’m a glutton for punishment for having that thought. All week I’ve been hanging out with Ian and having a wonderful time partaking in lunch with him. He’s sweet and good company. He’s safe, unlike Conrad, who can destroy my heart in an instant.

The biggest struggle is while I find Ian attractive and we have a good time together, there isn’t that spark I’ve been looking for. When he kisses me, which hasn’t been more than a couple times, it’s nice, but I’m missing that tingly feeling that consumes my body. The butterflies that settle in my stomach whenever I’m around Conrad. And that’s my issue. Conrad Dugray. It’s hard to move on when I so clearly want someone else.

Blaire and I have this weekend off and made plans to spend Saturday at the beach with some of the guys. I went back and forth on whether or not it would be a good idea to invite Ian but went with not mentioning it. We haven’t been on many dates, and I’m not ready to have him meet the guys yet. Camden said it wouldn’t be a problem, especially since Conrad left yesterday morning for his hometown and they didn’t know when he would be back.

After slipping on my sandals, a knock fills the silence in my room. “Come in,” I call out.

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