Page 85 of You, with a View

“You’re going to drive the boat?” Theo asks dubiously.

“Better than you could, too,” Paul replies with a dimple-popping grin. “Don’t forget who taught you how to drive one, Teddy.”

I look over my shoulder, eyebrow raised, to see Theo’s eyes roll. But he’s grinning, the twin of Paul’s. He’s been looking happier the past few days; checking his quiet phone less, smiling more easily.

His hand traces down my forearm until his fingers tangle with mine. He tugs at my hand. “Come on, let’s read this while Elder Speedracer’s behind the wheel.”

We settle into our seats, and I hold the letter up so we can read together. Theo’s skin is warm with the scent of sunscreen and whatever level-ten potent pheromones he’s constantly giving off.

I blink down at the letter, forcing myself to concentrate on Gram’s handwriting instead.

April 2, 1957

Dear Paul,

I miss my mother. You’ll probably think it’s silly since I talked to her on the phone just yesterday. I miss her because I can’t tell her all the things I want to say about you. I used to tell her everything. She’d want to know I was in love, wouldn’t she? But if I told her, she’d go straight to my father.

I don’t regret my decision to keep this from them. It’s what has to be done, and the past few months with you have truly been perfect. But it makes me feel very far away from them. What will happen when school’s over and I have to tell them? Who will I lose? I don’t want to lose you, and I don’t want to lose them. I’m still searching for a way to ensure this ends happily. I know there must be an answer.

Please tell me it will be okay no matter what.

All my love,

Your Kat

At the bottom of the page is someone else’s handwriting. It must be Paul’s.

It will be okay. No matter what.

“I feel the bad news coming,” I say as the boat gains speed. “I know what happens, I know there’s no way to stop it, but I want to anyway.”

“Yeah.” Theo’s sigh is heavy. I look over just as his troubled expression smooths out. “She felt stuck. Like no choice was a good one.”

His voice goes quiet at the end, and there’s a familiarity there.

My camera is on the other side of the boat; I wish I had it so I could take a picture of him and show it to him later. Even if he feels stuck right now, my shot would show the miles of space surrounding him. The red rocks curving all around, the water below us, and the clear blue sky stretching endlessly above us. The sunlight glinting down on his hair, on his skin, making him golden.

I’d show it to myself, too, so I could remember this moment.Somehow the choices I’ve made, whether they’ve ended up being good or bad, have all done their fateful work to put me right here for a reason.

My knee kicks out, pressing against his. He looks at where we’re touching, then at me.

“It’ll be okay,” I say.

He nods and leans back in his seat, tipping his chin toward the sky.

A plane drifts overhead. From thirty thousand feet, the roar of the engines is barely a whisper. I tilt my head back to watch, pressing the letter to my chest. Absorbing Gram’s energy and love.

There are people in that plane, living entire complicated lives I’ll never know about, while Theo and I are down here, living the same one. For now, at least.

I reach over to take Theo’s hand. His fingers tangle with mine, and I squeeze, holding on as tight as I can.

Twenty-Four

Noelle.”

It’s barely a whisper at the edge of my consciousness, but I bat it away. I’m dreaming, floating in cotton candy clouds, the sun hot against my back even though I’m stomach-up.

There’s also something poking me, which makes no sense. Clouds are just air and moisture.

---