Page 115 of You, with a View

He did hold his biggest secret back, but he gave me so many smaller ones. The truth is laid out here. There are quiet moments where we’re hiking next to each other on dusty red trails, Theo’s hand hovering at my back. We talked about mundane details of Where To Next, my photography, bickered over high school shenanigans. There’s a shot of Theo looking right at the camera, his undiluted affection for Paul written all over his face. He let me see every tender part of their relationship while putting his vulnerability on display. He let me share their love, knowing it would heal me, too.

There’s a photo of the two of us dancing on the back patio in Sedona, the night before I confessed everything to him and he confessed right back. It wasn’t about his situation, but in telling me the way he saw me, he exposed his own wishes. In hindsight, I can see how much he wanted to believe those words for himself, and how much he probably needed to hear them.

I trace my finger over our tangled bodies. “It did hurt that you didn’t tell me about losing your job. But you didn’t hold back entirely, and it means everything that you trusted me enough to do that.”

“I do trust you,” he says quietly, then picks up the last picture.

It’s the one Theo took of me at the top of Angels Landing in Zion. I’m in motion, turning toward him. The photo is a little blurry. I teased him about it when I emailed it to him at his request, but I loved it then. Mixed in with all the others now, I love it even more. In the photo, he’s just called my name, and my eyes are lit up witheverything.I’m telling on myself so badly.

Theo smiles, like he knows. “This one is my favorite.”

“Tell me why.”

“Remember how determined we were to get to the top?”

I laugh. I can still feel how shaky my knees were crossing the chainless section of the path, and yet how oddly calm I was with Theo right behind me.

Our eyes meet, and he lets out a breath. “Remember how we did that together?”

I nod silently, not trusting my voice.

“You got up to the top first, and all I could think about was how beautiful you were. You asked me what I’d do if I had time, and when I said I’d travel, I didn’t add the most important part.” He shifts, curving his hand around my leg. His eyes are a deep, fathomless blue but so clear. I can see everything in them. “I didn’t say that I’d spend it with you, but I wish I had. It was the first time I’d thought about what I could do once I’d left my company in a way that made me happy, and that was because of you. Because of what we could do together.”

Theo sets the picture on the table with all the others. A stranger could look at these and know how we feel. It was right there, growing between us every second, when we acknowledged it and even when we couldn’t.

“Noelle.”

He says my name so quietly, it’s barely a sound. The sameemotion that’s welling in my chest is threaded through his voice when he gestures to the photos and says, “This is the way I fell in love with you.”

I knew that’s where he was headed, but hearing it out loud is still stunning, so I fall apart. Just a little. “It’s the way I fell in love with you, too.”

“I could see that.” A slow, almost shy smile spreads across his face like honey. When I lean forward to kiss him, I can taste it.

“I love you,” I say, and he says it back, framing my face in his hands. He gives me each word soaked in relief.

“I wish I’d told you all of this sooner,” he says, pushing my hair back from my face. “You make it easier to try to be brave, but I’m not always going to get it right. I can’t be perfect.”

“Haven’t you been listening to me? I don’t want you to be perfect. After all our battles, Spencer, you should know that it actually pisses me off.”

He laughs against my neck, kissing up my throat, to my ear, along my cheek, until he places the most careful kiss on the tip of my nose. His eyes are wide open. Mine are, too.

“Can I tell you why I love you?” I whisper.

Pulling back, he nods. The unease in his expression breaks my heart. But it fortifies me, too.

“First of all, you’re the best grandson ever. You’ll do anything for Paul, and it’s clear you’re obsessed with each other. And even though he’s yours, you stepped aside and let me have important moments with him without hesitation.” I say all this watching his anxiety melt away, turning into something so hopeful it makes a tear run down my cheek. “You’re so selfless that you’re going to share your title of favorite grandchild with me.”

His smile is luminous. “Slow your roll.”

“You catch me when I fall down hills, and you only yell aboutit a little bit. You have really terrible taste in music.” I hold up my hand as he starts to protest. “That’s not a plus, but it’s worth mentioning. I want the bad parts with the good.”

Theo laughs, but his eyes are suspiciously glassy.

“And last but not least, you held me up when I was at my lowest until I could climb out myself.” I swallow reflexively a few times while Theo gazes at me with the smallest, most beautiful smile. I’m glad no one’s here to take our picture; we must look ridiculous, so in love. It’s the best moment of my life. “You didn’t try to fix me. You just supported me until I believed it. I want to be that for you, Theo. Not because it’s a tit for tat thing or because I need your secrets to feel like we’re even, but because your happiness is important to me, no matter what it looks like.”

“I want that, too,” he says hoarsely. “You have no idea how much.”

“I do. It’s how muchIwant it.”

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