Page 66 of You, with a View

His gaze moves over my face. “I do want to fight it.”

“Then don’t stop pushing,” I say. “Maybe you can change their minds.”

Theo looks down, then over at Paul, who’s lying on his back now, hands resting on his stomach. His eyes are closed, and Theo’s close, too, just for a beat.

“Yeah,” he says finally. “It’ll be fine.”

It’s hard to tell if he actually believes it, but I have no doubt it will be. If anyone can make miracles happen, it’s Theo, even backed into a corner.

He circles around me, the tightness in his shoulders loosening just a bit. “Now it’s your turn for secrets, Shepard.”

I blurt out, “I’m proud of you.”

I don’t know who’s more shocked by what comes out of my mouth: Theo or me.

“Oh god. I can’t believe I said that. Outloud.” I press my hand to my forehead, groaning. “Your head’s gonna get so big it’ll explode everywhere.”

He grimaces, but amusement overtakes his surprise. “Graphic.”

“It’s true, though. I’ve... kind of followed your career a little bit over the years.” His mouth curls in a wide grin, his dimple popping. I press my finger against it, pushing his face back. “Shut up, don’t you dare bring up the LinkedIn thing.”

Thank god he doesn’t know about the notifications; he’s already too smug.

“We fought a lot for supremacy in high school, didn’t we?” I continue.

“Voted Most Likely to Succeed,” he says, dryly. “Our one and only tie.”

“But you won that, too, in the end.” I’m being unbearably honest. But with his admission, he’s showing me I’m strong enough to lean on. That maybe it’s safe to lean on him, too. “I’m sure you’re far too busy doingForbes30 Under 30 things to stalkmyLinkedIn, but I’m not exactly killing it.”

“You never list your titles, so I don’t actually know what you do,” he says. “You don’t like your job?”

I don’t have one.I could just spill it all right now, but that’s too big. If I’m vulnerable in pieces, I won’t lose myself completely.

“It’s not what I want to do,” I say instead. “But I’ve been too scared to do what I actually want.”

“Your photography.”

I nod. That’s a secret, too. I’m handing them out now, but they’re manageable ones. “I tried to make it work after I graduated, but I got burned and gave up. Or failed, depending on how you want to frame it. When Gram died, I didn’t want to do anything at all.” I blink, and a drop of water falls from my eyelashes. “Especially something that she never got to see me succeed at.”

“I doubt that’s how she saw it.”

Deep down, it feels true, but it hurts too much to dwell on.“Anyway, you’ve always been this bastion of success to me. You never second-guessed yourself. And trust me, I recognize that some of that is white man confidence.”

He laughs. “I second-guess myself all the time.”

“Well, from my perspective, to see you at the helm of this thing you built, being invested in it in every way, and fighting back... I don’t know, it’s impressive. You’ve always been impressive, which is your most annoying trait.”

I expect him to laugh, but instead he just stares at me, his cheeks pink, looking leveled.

“There are forty other traits I could name off the top of my head,” I say, suddenly uncomfortable.

He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Goddammit, Shepard.”

“At what point did I make a wrong turn?”

When he lowers his hands, his eyes are red from the pressure he put there. “You didn’t.”

I don’t believe him, but he moves closer, gazing down at me with an expression so tangled I could never pull the strings of it apart to identify each emotion, even if I looked for days. For years.

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