Page 39 of You, with a View

I see it in Theo’s face now; the weight of it, whatever it is.

“My gram and I...” I trail off, unsure. He’s still looking down at me, his expression morphing from blank to hungry to miserableas the lights flicker under the roiling water. “We had a thing we did. We called it Tell Me a Secret, and every time we saw each other, we’d exchange a secret we needed to get off our chest. Sometimes more, depending on how big a disaster the day was.”

Recognition of my offer smooths out his brow. His shoulders straighten and he exhales, deep and tired. Then he crouches, resting his forearms on his knees. “All right, Shepard. Wanna play?”

I raise a challenging eyebrow. “Do you?”

“Tell me yours first.” It’s bossy, too familiar, like he came up with the game himself and he’s lettingmeparticipate.

But I started this, so I play along. I run my hand through a circle of bubbles, letting my expression turn threatening. “I want to throw your phone into the pool. If I’m subjected to any more Radiohead, I’m going to fling myself out of the car while it’s moving.” A smile—so tiny butthere—breaks the straight line of his mouth, curves it into something lighter. My chest goes so warm. Must be the hot tub. “But also, you should get two weeks without whatever stress your job is giving you, if that’s what you asked for.”

His Adam’s apple bobs, and I follow the sinuous motion. I hate that it’s sexy. I hate thathe’ssexy, and that he’s sad, and I don’t like that I hate that. It scares me. I don’t need this.

But I don’t stop it, either. “Tell me yours.”

“What do you have against Radiohead?”

I glare. “That’s not a secret.”

He grins. “Thom Yorke is a genius.”

“Thom Yorke makes me want to throw myself out of a moving vehicle, and also, maybe try music from this century. Now tell me your secret, Spencer, or I’m going to push you into the pool with your phone.”

He stands, and for a moment I feel so utterly exposed it takesmy breath away. I shared something personal with him and he’s going toleave?

I open my mouth to tell him where else his phone can go, but he gets there first.

“I can’t wait to see you with a camera in your hand tomorrow.” He says it in a rush, then looks down, exhaling slowly. “You’d better be as good as I remember. No crooked photos.”

And then he walks away without another word, leaving me gaping after him.

Twelve

Paul pulls a letter from the pocket of his jacket as soon as we get into the van the next morning. Yesterday we agreed he’d give me a letter every day and let the story unfold over the course of our trip. I want Gram with me every step of the way; stretching it out this way is like having her right next to me.

“Now we start with chronological order,” Paul says, handing the letter over.

Theo leans over from the driver’s seat. I can smell the coffee we drank together, the hotel soap scent that’s all over my skin, too.

“This is after we’d started dating,” Paul continues. “I figured you didn’t need to see any more of us fighting our feelings.”

I turn, taking in Paul’s fond smile, chest aching, before straightening in my seat. Theo’s gaze snags with mine on the way, his expression unreadable. His jaw is dusted with a few days’ worth of whiskers. I swear to god if he grows a beard, I’ll—

Blinking away from him and that dangerous train of thought, I open the letter, tracing the words. “How long had you been dating?”

“Several weeks,” Paul says. “We were still learning about each other, but the deep feelings came quickly.”

Theo thumbs at the letter’s corner, his voice low in my ear. “Let’s read.”

I take a breath, imagining Gram’s voice in my ear instead, saying these words out loud.

October 26, 1956

Dear Paul,

I’m afraid I was too honest with you last night. Not because I called you a pain—you know that’s true—but because I talked about the type of man I’m expected to be with.

He’s nothing like you. I’m sorry to say that’s true. My parents have doted on me my entire life, and they want what’s best for me. Only, they have a very specific idea of what that is—stoic, a rule-follower, devoted to service to his country. Someone who’ll fit in perfectly with my father and brother.

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