Page 111 of You, with a View

Thirty-One

Thank you so much for everything, Noelle,” Eunice, the resort’s marketing director, says as she ushers me back into the lobby. “I can’t wait to see the final product. The shots you just shared are beautiful.”

“It’s not hard to do when you’re working with a view like this.” I gesture out the floor-to-ceiling window, which looks out to a massive deck, a sparkling pool, and beyond that, the towering trees and craggy mountains that make Lake Tahoe so picturesque.

“Seriously, though.” She pushes her black bangs out of her eyes. “When I tell you my boyfriend and I stayed glued to our phones while you were traveling, I’m not exaggerating. We fell in love with your story, and your photography is so captivating. Not to mention your social engagement is phenomenal, so you were an easy sell to my boss.”

I’ve read comments saying similar things, but to hear it in person is wild. I’ll have to pinch myself later when no one’s around. This day has been surreal.

I wish I could share it with Theo. Yesterday he texted me:goodluck in Tahoe, Shep. You’re going to blow them away.I sent him a shot of the sunset falling behind a thick copse of trees, but only got a hearted picture in return.

Blinking away from the memory, I say, “That’s really nice, thank you. I had such a great day with you.”

“Right back at you. You’ve been a rock star.” Glancing down at her watch, Eunice frowns. “I have to get going, but I wanted to check with you about something. It’s half business, half personal.”

“Of course.”

“I have a friend in San Francisco who’s opening up a coffee shop. He’s looking for someone to shoot his space and menu for all his social platforms,” she says. “I’m not sure what your schedule is like, but would it be okay if I passed your information over to him?”

I work hard to keep my cool, getting out a “Yes, that’d be great.”

Meanwhile, inside my body there are firecrackers going off and car alarms blaring. That I could have a potential job as I’m finishing this one is...

It’s everything I was too afraid to reach for before. Theo’s voice echoes in my head, smug and proud:I told you so.I’d give anything to hear it in person.

“Amazing!” Eunice chirps. “Well, then, I’ll let you get to the rest of your night. Thanks again for everything. You’ll be in touch with the final images? And let’s rereview your sponsored content schedule on Monday.”

“That sounds perfect.”

We exchange our goodbyes, and I walk to the elevator, restlessness growing in my chest.

It means something that Theo is the first person I want to call right now, doesn’t it? It’shissupport I want. He’s given me so muchin response to everything I’ve told him, and I know that’s real. I hate that he didn’t tell me what he was going through, but he didn’t hold himself back from me completely. I saw enough of him to fall in love. That’s real, too.

Paul told me it takes Theo three times as long to admit to his happiness, because he didn’t know he was allowed to have it. Now, I realize it must take him half as long to admit to his perceived failures, because that’s all he heard about.

I think of all the years I had Enzo’s voice in my head, telling me that I wasn’t good enough to be a photographer. That was after only a year of working with him, and the result was devastating and lasting. Theo’s dad has been telling Theo he isn’t enough his entire life. How deep must his voice be in Theo’s mind? In his heart? Did he hear that inmyvoice, too?

I think of my own family, who accept all my failures, perceived or real, with love and support. Who don’t judge me for it. When I went to Theo on Monday, I failed to recognize that, aside from Paul, he’s never had someone who accepts him for who he is. Who loves every corner of him, both bright and shadowed.

And then I think of his text from the other day:I want to be the person you said you need. I told him he already was, to trust that. But there’s so little he’s been able to trust, and now, not telling himwhyhe should trust that feels like a grave error.

I exit the elevator, my heart thumping. I’m supposed to leave tomorrow morning, but there’s so much I need to tell him and none of it can wait.

My camera bag bounces against my hip as I speed walk down the hall, bursting into my room. I make a beeline for my phone, ignoring the texts from my parents, Sadie, and Thomas for now.

Instead, I pull up the text thread between Theo and me and start to type.

I meant it when I said you’re already the person I need, but I didn’t tell you why and I want you to hear how amazing I think YOU are.

I pause, embarrassingly out of breath from my dash down the hall and from fear and exhilaration, waiting to see if any text bubbles will pop up. There’s nothing, so I continue.

So much happened today. I took kickass photos. The marketing director loved me. She’s giving me a referral to someone in the city who may hire me. It was a pinch-me moment, a perfect one except for one thing—you’re not here for me to share it with. You were the first person I thought of calling. You’re the one I want to tell everything to. I don’t regret sharing what I did with you, even if it seemed like it on Monday. You make me feel safe. I just want that feeling for you.

My knees are shaking along with my hands. I sit on the edge of the bed, chewing at my lip. Still nothing. I take a deep breath and dive back in. God, this is so long. It’s turning into a—

A letter. Aloveletter. But I’m going to say the most important things right to his face.

I was supposed to come home tomorrow, but I’m driving home right now and I’m going to show up at your door. I know I said I was scared to give you any more of my secrets until you gave me something back, but these aren’t secrets. It’s just the truth. You have 3.5 hours to decide if you want to open the door when I knock.

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