Page 101 of You, with a View

“Lots of emails to catch up on?”

“Yeah,” he says absently.

I reach up, running my nails lightly over his cheek until his attention returns to me. “You want to do a double date thing with them sometime?”

Theo must hear the hesitation in my voice; his eyes get sharper, then soften. “Of course. When things settle down.”

I nod and close my eyes, and if his thigh tenses under my cheek, I try not to notice.

When I leave that night, he cradles my face in his hands and kisses me with surprising intensity given how laid-back our day has been.

“You okay?” I ask.

“Yeah. I... This week I might not be around much. I’m not sure. So if I don’t answer you right away, it’s just because I’m dealing with things.”

I can only imagine how stressful his week will be, and I press myself closer. “If you need to talk tomorrow, take a break and call me, okay? If things get weird at work or whatever. I’m here.”

For you, I add silently.

Theo clears his throat, pressing a final kiss to the corner of my mouth. I expect some acknowledgment of my offer, but he simply says, “Thanks for a great weekend.”

I brush it off, grinning as I slip out of his hold and out the door. “You’re only saying that because you got laid about forty times.”

“Saying it ’cause it’s you,” he shoots back with a beautiful smile. I watch it fade in my rearview as I drive away, until I turn the corner and he’s gone.

My heart doesn’t stop racing, even as I pull into a metered spot near Thomas and Sadie’s apartment. I have to lay my forehead on the steering wheel and take several deep breaths so it won’t be written all over my face.

Unfortunately, my brother knows me like the back of his own hand, so when he throws open the door to his apartment and takes a good look at me, he bursts into laughter.

“Shut up,” I grumble, stepping inside.

“What is wrong with you, Mas?” Sadie asks, pushing him aside to fold me into a tight hug. “Hey, darling girl. How was everything?”

“Really amazing.”

And then I burst into tears.

I’ve just spilled my guts to Thomas and Sadie—every detail of the trip, every grief-ridden and healing thought I’ve hadabout Gram, that intense psychic reading, my fear of telling Mom and Dad what I’ve been up to, and, sans sex details, what’s happened with Theo.

“The really questionable thing is,” Thomas says, leaning forward to uncork the emergency wine he grabbed for us as soon as I started crying, “I knew you were going to fall for Theo and I still made that bet. I have to buy acouch, dammit.”

“The really questionable thing is betting against me, period.” I let out a breath, then groan. “God, I have no idea why I cried like that. I’m actually fine.”

Sadie rubs my leg. “Permission to psychoanalyze?”

“Granted.” I sniff, accepting the glass Thomas hands me. He snakes his arm behind Sadie’s shoulders, his fingers just long enough to squeeze my shoulder, too.

“I know you’re fine, but you’ve also had a really emotional couple of weeks,” Sadie says. “Do you feel like you ever got a chance to process your gram’s death?”

I go back to that first month, where I essentially shuttled myself between work and my apartment. How I couldn’t look at pictures of her or hear her voice in voicemails. How I stopped going out with my friends because they’d ask how I was doing in that specific “you’re grieving and I’m uncomfortable but have to ask or I’ll look like a dick” tone of voice. Those months I spent staring at my camera, at the walls of my childhood bedroom, at the views from the hikes Gram and I took together.

“No.” For the first time I realize it’s true.

Thomas stands and moves around the couch, settling in next to me and ruffling my hair.

Sadie continues, “A while back, I ran across an article about this thing called grief trips. When you lose someone, you travel—maybe to their favorite place or a place that brings you peace orsomewhere brand-new to shake yourself out of your routine—and you get to process that way.” She leans forward, catching my eye. “That’s what this was for you, I think. You had this story unraveling with Paul, these emotional letters, and it was a way for you to focus on your grief in a controlled way. And at the same time, you had some joy in your life with Theo.”

“That doesn’t explain my outburst.”

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