Page 6 of Trigger's Forever

More tears stream down my cheeks. I can feel that what she says is true and that she means it. The minute she walked through the door, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders.

“Are you nervous?” she asks.

I nod my head, bringing the tissue to dab at the wetness lining my eyes.

“I want you to take a few deep breaths for me. Close your eyes and listen to the music you hear. Do you hear that?” I nod again, letting the soothing sound of a soft piano relax my muscles. “Good. Now, I want you to picture a time when you felt safe. I want you to keep that image in your mind. Do you have it?” Her lyrical voice causes goosebumps to crawl across my arms.

A frozen moment in time settles in my mind. Trigger’s strong arms wrapped around me as he carries me through a field towards flashing lights. That’s the last time I felt safe. I can’t picture where we are or where we’re going, but I can feel his arms around me.

I feel my lips pull at the corners with a smile. Dr. Murphy breaks the silence. “I think you found it.” When I open my eyes, I settle on hers. “I want you to think of that moment every time you start to panic. Okay?”

I nod my head, wiping the last of my tears away. I hadn’t realized I had stopped crying.

“So, now to the real reason we’re here,” she says through a smile. “The hospital did some blood work and an ultrasound, both of which indicated a pregnancy. Do you know about how far along you are?”

I shake my head no, rubbing the soft cloth draped over my leg.

“The only true way to know is from the date of your last period. Do you know when that was?”

I let out a cough, trying to clear my throat. I force down my reservations and I do something I haven’t done in two weeks.

I speak.

PEBBLES

Those are My Babies?

“I’m not sure.” I hear my voice crack through the words, and I don’t know if it’s from my nerves or lack of use during the past two weeks.

The last time I heard my own voice, it was nothing but screams.

“You aren’t sure when your period was?” Dr. Murphy asks.

I shake my head in response.

“Were you taking birth control?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm. Were you taking any other medications around three months ago? Or maybe you could have forgotten to take a pill or two?”

I think back to a few months ago and what I could have been doing.

“A few of the dancers and I got ringworm so we had to take this one antifungal medication for a few days. But other than that, I only take vitamins for my hair and skin and my birth control. That's all.”

“Do you remember the name of the fungal medication?” Dr. Murphy sits down on the stool in front of me, picking up a tablet I didn’t notice before off the counter. She taps on the screen a few times.

“Flu- something. I’m really not sure.” I clear my throat. “We tried a cream, but it wasn’t working fast enough, so the doctor gave me a pill to take for three days.”

Dr. Murphy continues tapping on her screen. Her eyebrows furrow as she focuses intently until, all of a sudden, she nods her head. “Ah.”

“What?” I whisper.

“I wasn’t entirely sure, since there are a few different things that interfere with the effectiveness of birth control, if your medication could be the culprit. But I found it here that, unfortunately, fluconazole is definitely one of them. Did the doctor that prescribed that to you tell you that?”

“I don’t remember. But I feel like that is definitely something I would have remembered and taken seriously.”

“Don’t take this question the wrong way, it is just technicality I have to know.” The way she speaks with such seriousness in her tone causes panic to rise in my chest. “Were you sexually active with more than one partner at the time?”

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