Page 82 of I Wish We Weren't Related

Reeva felt the familiar anger rise inside her, and then she remembered: trauma. Her mum had experienced her own trauma just as much as Reeva had. “I know it’s hard for you. I get it. But, Mum, I need to know everything before I can ever have a chance at letting go. You know that.”

Saraswati sighed in resignation. “All right, all right. What else is left?”

“Um, how about the fact that after all of this, you and Dad decided the best thing to do was fake his death?”

“Ah. Yes.”

“I mean... how was that the natural next step? Why didn’t you just get a divorce?”

“It was all a mess.” Saraswati looked out the window. “We were so relieved you were alive, and so scared and worried. When we finally got rid of social services, we were both wrecks. Hemant more than anyone. He was... Reeva, he was broken.”

Reeva felt a twist of pain in her stomach. “But... it was an accident. He was gesticulating. It’s not like he did it on purpose. It could have happened to anyone.”

Saraswati shook her head, her curls swinging against her face. “But it happened because he was drunk, Reeva.”

“What was he like when he drank? Did he become violent? Did he... hit us? Or you?”

Saraswati looked shocked. “Oh no. He loved you all a lot. Too much sometimes. He was very overprotective. I found it all a bit much to be honest, because I’m more of a fan of hands-off parenting.”

“Okay, the drinking?”

“Oh yes. No, he wasn’t violent. But he could become...” Saraswati looked into the distance and then nodded triumphantly as she came up with the right word. “Volatile, that’s it. He was unpredictable and irrational. That’s why our arguments could be so bad.”

Reeva looked down at the plate of biscuits. She had no idea how to process this latest news. “So... it was his fault?”

“Ithink so,” said Saraswati. “It wouldn’t have happened if he was sober. Although I blame myself too, because I shouldn’t have let you get so close to us when we were arguing. I should have seen it coming!”

Reeva shook her head. “Mum, don’t blame yourself. You were as much a victim of it all as I was.”

Saraswati tried to raise her eyebrow doubtfully. “I don’t know. But your dad really blamed himself, Reeva. It’s why he hatedhimself so much after that. He couldn’t believe his actions had led to you being in the hospital, and he was terrified of it happening again. He was terrified of himself.”

Reeva wrapped her arms around her body. She felt really, really small. “Okay... So the death-faking was his idea?”

“We didn’t exactly plan it... He wanted to leave our lives, and I agreed. I was so angry. We’d have these intense hushed conversations in the hospital—it was so soon after it all happened—and we decided him moving out was the best solution. And not speaking to you all ever again. We didn’t plan on faking his deathper se, but then when I told you girls he was gone forever, you assumed he’d died.”

“Okay, you can’t blame us! We were so young.”

Saraswati shook her hair. “No, I know. I’m not. It’s just... I remember I heard you telling your sisters he was in heaven, and it sounded so innocent compared to the truth. And in a way, itwaslike he’d died. I thought you’d be happier with that version of events. I could hear you chattering away to him in heaven, full of love for him. You’d completely forgotten everything after the head trauma. And I thought it was better that way. When I told Hemant, he agreed. He felt it was the least he could do for you all. Leave your lives forever in case he ever hurt anyone again.”

Reeva reached out a hand to steady herself. This was completely crazy. But somehow it kind of... made sense. “Okay. But what about later? When he got in touch? And you said he couldn’t meet us?”

Saraswati sighed. “I... I was scared, Reeva. Of uprooting your lives and changing everything. And he said he’d changed, but how could I believe him? I mean, he was telling me he’d worked things through with a priest. He’d found God! I thought it was all rubbish. I couldn’t believe he had genuinely stopped drinking.”

“What if he had?” asked Reeva in a small voice. “Mum, I have so many questions. I wish I could have met him just once to ask him.”

Saraswati’s voice faltered. “I know. I... I regret that. I’m sorry, Reeva.”

Reeva raised an eyebrow. “Did you just apologize? Of your own accord?”

“Yes,” cried Saraswati indignantly. “I always apologize when I’ve made a mistake.”

“Uh, that is not true. You never apologize.”

“Because I never make mistakes,” replied her mother smugly. “Now, how about more chai?”

CHAPTER 21

Day 11

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