Page 20 of One Lovely Lie

My dick was in mybest friend’s mouthand now, instead of feeling overjoyed and overcome with emotion, all I feel is dread.

I can’t believe I agreed to this.

It was only a few days ago that I told myself I’d avoid all things having to do with my unrequited crush on Magnus. It’s what a healthy, self-adjusted adult would do because I know that at the end of the day, this is going to destroy me. I know that without a doubt, Magnus will never feel the same way.

So why did I agree to this?

Right because I love him, and I’m horny, and a bunch of other reasons that seem so insignificant now that I’m lying here in bed with him.

Both of our dicks are still out as he snuggles closer to me. He’s breathing in my scent like it’s the only thing he ever wants to smell and it’s doing fucked-up things to my head.

“What did you think of your first sexual experience?” he asks, his fingers diving under my shirt to caress my stomach. “Did it live up to your expectations?”

Live up to them? It surpassed them. I always imagined that he would choose me. I always fantasized about what it would feel like to have his mouth wrapped around me, to captivate his whole attention, and it was something I will never forget.

“It was great, Mag,” I whisper, kissing the top of his head. “Thank you for doing that.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he laughs. “Your dick is awesome and I got off too. That’s the whole point of this arrangement.”

The word arrangement hits me the wrong way. Right. Focus. I can do this. I can separate my feelings from thisarrangement.

“Do you…” I glance down at his impressive cock that’s a fucking masterpiece. People reciprocate, right? That’s what I should do right now. God knows I want to, but I’m nervous that he won’t like it.

He shakes his head and smiles up at me. “No, baby. It’s okay. Another time.”

Baby. When he called me that earlier it did all sorts of things to my heart, those traitorous butterflies fluttering in my chest at the endearment. Christ, I want to be his baby. I want to be his one and only. I want him to love me the way I—

Stop it. Fucking stop it.

I can tell Magnus is close to dozing off. He hasn’t spent the night in my dorm in such a long time, but I don’t complain. I let him fall asleep, and it’s only when his breaths become deep and even that I slip out of bed. His body seems to complain at my absence, his arm reaching out to the empty spot I just vacated.

I need some air. I hate to admit that I’m panicking now. This is such a bad idea.

I quickly exit my dorm, making sure to softly close the door because I can’t justify leaving him alone without answering a series of questions that should remain unanswered.

I make my way down Monroe Hall with no particular destination in mind until I run into Carter.

“Carter? What are you doing up?” I ask my friend as he passes me in the hall. He promptly stops, caught like a deer in headlights as his mouth opens slightly.

“Hi. I…um…I needed some air,” he explains in a flurry of rushed words, pushing his black-framed glasses up his nose with his forefinger.

Yeah, same here, buddy.

“So, just out for a nighttime stroll?” I question, a tad bit suspicious because he has no reason to be down my hall acting all sketchy and shit.

“Isn’t that what you’re doing?” he questions defensively. “What areyoudoing?”

I freeze. “Um…”

“Yeah,” he says with a roll of his eyes. “That’s what I thought.”

“Okay, so we’re just…both out…” I trail off because this is awkward as fuck.

“You look flushed, Daniel. What have you been doing?” he questions. He takes a look at me, up and down, until his lips form a smirk and he laughs. “Oh, shit. You got laid, didn’t you?”

“What? Of course not,” I snap, knowing that my red cheeks against my pale skin are a dead giveaway.

I’m not ready to tell anybody about this before I get a chance to process it myself. I’m certainly not going to tell Carter because then Carter—one way or another—is going to tell Ozymandias and then everybody will know.

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