Page 20 of Baby For The Billionaire Silver Fox

“I went off the pill after Jason. I’d been on it forever and wanted to give my body a break. Or some stupid-ass reason like that which I’m kicking myself for now. I don’t know. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking straight. Anyhow, the night with Derek is pretty fuzzy, which I could blame totally on the alcohol, but we both know the alcohol didn’t force itself down my throat. My guess is the condom must have broken.”

“How long have you known?”

“Not long. The night before I left to come here.”

“What are you going to do, Nik?”

“I don’t know. I’ve thought a lot about the options. I am not terminating; that much I know. So that leaves raising the child myself or giving it up for adoption. And I have so many questions. Can I carry a tiny person in my body for nine months and then just give it up? That sounds as bad as losing a limb. Am I adult enough to raise a small human? I’ve never been around kids, and I have no experience. What if I don’t love the baby?”

I looked at Lexi with despair. “See? Lots of questions swirling around in my head that I don’t know the answers to. And you know how much I hate uncertainty.”

Lexi got up and came around to my side of the booth. She gave me a comforting hug and smoothed my hair.

“I’m no expert, nor am I a life coach, but I know we never have all the answers to our future. We can plan and plan, but there are still uncertainties. It never goes quite how we think it will. What’s that saying? ‘Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.’ This is a huge blip on your life’s radar screen, but you’re a strong person. And this baby could be the blessing you never saw coming.”

“Thank you, but I don’t feel very strong right now.”

I reached for a tortilla chip, but instead of eating it, I broke it into little pieces as I continued voicing my uncertainties. “Being a single mother doesn’t sound like something I’d be very good at. It sounds really hard. My parents couldn’t parent me, and there were two of them. You’d think one of the two could have gotten it right. This baby doesn’t stand a chance with just me.”

“I know your parents suck at being parents, but that doesn’t mean you will. You’re not them, you’reyou,“ Lexi said with conviction.

Our dinner had come, and I shooed Lexi back to her side of the booth.

“Eat before your food gets cold.”

“See? You already sound like a mom,” Lexi said and added hastily, “If you want to go that route, I mean.”

My hand went to my stomach. I thought about what she said as I practically inhaled my dinner. “I’ve got to admit I like this eating-for-two thing. But the whole mothering part has me worried. A lot.”

“Nicole, I think you would make a great mom. You don’t give yourself enough credit. Even though you present yourself as a wise-ass, I know you for who you really are. You’re a kind and caring person.”

“I supposed I’ll have to have to stop swearing,” I grumbled. “Fuck.”

“And there she is, folks—the face she presents to the world,” Lexi declared and finished off her margarita.

She changed direction. “You talk about being a single parent, but it takes two to make a baby. Have you told Derek? He has responsibilities too.”

“No, I haven’t. I just can’t see doing a co-parenting thing with him. It turns out I don’t even like or respect him as a person. And we’d share a bond for the next 18+ years. But he does have rights, and I get that. I’m going to tell him, but I wanted to talk to you first.”

“If you were to give the baby up for adoption, he might want to keep it.”

“I hadn’t thought of that. Hmm. I’d give up all my rights to the child, only to watch Derek raise it? That would be harsh.”

“God, there are no good answers here,” I said, slapping my hands down on the table in frustration.

“First things first—get established with a doctor and get the official test done,” Lexi suggested as she stood up.

“Now come on. There’s a cover band playing some 90s music at the club on the next block. Let’s go and enjoy the moment. It’ll give your mind a rest. You don’t have to figure it all out today.”

As if I could think about anything else. But I gave her a wobbly smile, and we walked arm in arm toward the club with the music.

Unbidden, Dan’s handsome face popped into my head. I wasn’t sure why it was there, but it made me smile inside.

- 8 -

Dan

Irolledontomyback, fully awake, even though the room was still in darkness. I looked at my watch—6:00 am. No matter what day it was, weekend or not, I always woke this early. The habit was ingrained from so many years of working in the corporate world. But that was a different life, and I would be okay if my body wanted to sleep until 8:00 sometimes.

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