Page 31 of Judge and Jury

“You won’t?” She looked puzzled.

“Not if you agree, no.”

“Agree to what? You haven’t actually asked me anything for me to agree to?”

“Haven’t I? Because I’m pretty sure I asked you to be mine?”

She remained silent for a moment before I heard her blowing out a breath. “And I agreed to spend this time with you.”

“Not what I mean.” Pushing myself to my feet, I shook my head. I knew I should be straight with her and tell her what I really wanted, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She wasn’t ready. She was filled with lust for me, yes, but not love. If I put all my cards on the table now, then she would run.

Taylor just wasn’t ready to be my queen. Not yet anyway.

“Go to bed Taylor.” I turned my back on her. My shoulders hunched.

“Have I said something wrong again?”

“No, Taylor, you have said nothing wrong. If anything, it’s me who is in the wrong.” Bending down, I kissed her lips. So sweet, just like she was. “Go to bed. I’ll quickly tidy up here and then I will join you.” My eyes met hers. “If you want me in your bed.”

“I want you in my bed.”

* * *

When I climbed in next to her an hour later, she was asleep. I had taken my time clearing things away. Something I didn’t usually do. I had a crew for a reason. And they were paid well, but tonight I wanted a few moments to catch my breath and gather my thoughts.

I was a fool. Gio had always said I was, but what I was doing to Taylor just went to prove it. I was so desperate for someone to love me that I didn’t even care that I would ruin them. Taylor had her whole life ahead of her. A life filled with hard work, yes, but light and laughter nevertheless. I could offer her riches. She would never have to work another day in her life, but what else could I offer her?

Death and darkness. That was what.

And that was the real reason why I hadn’t told her I wanted her to be my wife. That the date was set. It had nothing to do with my fear of rejection and everything to do with wanting what was best for her.

Had I finally grown a conscience?

I shook the thought away. No, I’d always had one of those. In my own kind of way. Taylor just heightened it. I wanted what was best for her, I realised in a rush. I wanted her to be happy, even if it meant I wasn’t.

Was this love?

I had no clue. I’d never been in love before and it wasn’t like I could go and ask someone.

“Baby?” Taylor’s voice wasn’t sleepy. Her warm hand reached out and grasped mine. Our fingers entwined as she pulled me closer against her back. Snuggling back into me. “I thought you would never come to bed.”

Sighing happily, I kissed her shoulder. “Baby?” I chuckled. “Am I your baby?” It was such a strange thing for her to say, but I liked it.

“Mmhmm.”

I smiled against her skin. “I’m ok with being called baby, but only when we are alone, ok?”

She nodded. Her hair tickling my nose. “Judge?”

I rolled my eyes, but I didn't reprimand her. As much as I wanted her to call me by my given name, she seemed hell bent on calling me Judge.

“I want to try.” She pushed my hand down onto her stomach.

“Try?” I froze.

“What you said…you wanted to do. What you…mentioned up on the deck.” Her words were stuttered.

I didn’t need to see her face to know she was blushing. “Good, you won’t regret it.”

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