"Not right now," I say, closing the refrigerator door.
"Okay, well I am going to make some dinner for all of us. You need to eat something."
"Thanks, Gloria," I respond.
"Sure."
As I walk towards my bedroom, I catch sight of myself in the mirror. My eyes look red and puffy. The bags under my eyes are dark circles, and the lines on my forehead are deeper than normal. I don't know how Riley can stand being around me.
I stare at myself for a moment longer and sigh. I turn away from the mirror and head for my bedroom. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I sit down on my bed.
I am so lonely. I never realized how alone I felt until Riley left me. I always thought I had it all together, but that was far from the truth. I was running away from myself, hiding from the fact that Riley was really all I needed.
Chapter Twenty -One
Riley
My phone has been buzzing all day, but I refuse to pick it up. I have avoided his phone calls and text messages out of fear they'll make me weak. This is not the time for me to be weak. I have to come up with a plan.
On my bed, I sit and stare at the phone, unsure if I want it to ring. He is only calling because he wants to know where his son is. He doesn't actually care about me.
Frustration builds in me until I want to scream, but I am forced to hold it in. I pick up my phone with a knot in my stomach and read Harrison's messages again. He sounds so sweet. I don't understand. Why is he doing this to me? What does he want from me? Does he enjoy playing with my head? I shake my head, trying not to feel like an idiot for even entertaining the idea of going back to him. For all his talk about wanting a family, he was quick to destroy it when he got it. His words are empty promises that make no sense.
My phone rings, and my heart lurches into my throat as I see Harrison's name on my screen. I throw my phone as if it was possessed then back away from it. I stare at the screen until it goes dark, and I can breathe again.
This isn't real life! This isn't happening. My heart is racing out of control and my palms are sweaty. I am having trouble breathing. Every muscle in my body hurts. I close my eyes and take several deep breaths to calm myself down. It feels like every ounce of energy has been sucked right out of my body and left me completely drained.
"What happened?" My mom asks, walking into the room. "Are you okay, honey? You look pale." She takes one look at me, and her worry turns to panic.
I stand up and grab my bag off the bed. "I need some fresh air," I tell her.
She tries to stop me, but I push past her and run to my car. I pull out onto the street and drive aimlessly around town. I pass the park where we used to go for walks, and I remember how happy we used to be there.
Images of me with my parents flash in my head. I start crying as the memories flood my mind. What if I never get the chance to make those memories with Anthony? I have never felt such pain before. Everything is wrong. Everything is so messed up. I just want to die.
I pull over and sit in my car while I cry. The tears stream down my face and I don't care who sees me. I can't believe this is happening. My whole world is falling apart before my eyes. I can't do this. I can't keep living like this.
I lean my head against the steering wheel and try to think of anything else but Harrison. But I can't.
I wrap my arms around my chest and squeeze tight, trying to hold back the sobs. I have never felt this way before. Not even when my father died. I would always hold myself together. I knew I couldn't let her down. That I would always be strong for her, no matter what. But now…
I turn the key and my engine starts. I put the car back in gear and head home. I don't know why I'm still here. Maybe because I'm scared.
I glance at my reflection in the rearview mirror. My makeup is smeared, and my hair looks like something the dog dragged through the backyard. I don't think my mother will notice. She is too busy worrying about me.
I pull into the driveway and shut off the ignition. As soon as I open my door, I hear the front door slam behind me. I rush inside to find my mom sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Her eyes widen as she sees me standing in the doorway.
"Mom, I'm scared. What if Harrison tries to take the baby away from me?" I ask, tears filling my eyes.
She pulls me into a hug and says, "Don't worry, sweetie, we won't let that happen. You have every right to keep your baby. No one is going to take Anthony away from you."
I shake my head, tears streaming down my face. "His mom is already talking to a lawyer. What if he files for custody? I'm so worried I might lose him."
My mom rubs my back and says, "I understand. But if he does try to take the baby away from you, you can always fight him in court. You have a strong case. Your grandparents and I will be here for you every step of the way."
I give my mom a weak smile, trying to put on a brave face. I know she is right, but the thought of fighting for my baby in court still scares me. I have no idea what would happen if Harrison decided to take the matter to court.