I get out of bed at five every morning, ready for the day. When she is gone, I wonder whether I am supposed to get used to that absence or whether I should've gotten used to her in the first place. And then I start thinking about Riley being gone, which makes me feel even worse than before. My mind drifts to thoughts of all the ways we never were together, so this can't really be my fault.
She probably didn't want a family anyway. Or maybe it was her whole reason for leaving. Because she couldn't bear to have one. But then why did she leave? How could anyone just walk away from everything we had? Especially Riley and me.
We were meant to work through whatever happened between us. It didn't have anything to do with our families or my job, although those were two reasons, too. That's not what bothered me though. It was that I won't be there when she needs me the most, when our baby is born.
The irony of the situation doesn’t escape me. Finally, it is our baby, and I won’t be there for Anthony or Riley. The thought is killing me.
My body feels stiff as I roll out of bed, unmotivated to get through my day. I look over at Riley's side of the bed, which has been empty for over a week. The twinge of pain I feel in my chest gets more unbearable every day that passes.
I don't want to move anymore because it hurts so much.
There are days I think I need to call her. Do something to make sure she is okay. Then I remember she left me. She doesn't care enough to try to fix things. So, I push it all down and let myself wallow in self-pity.
After I shower, I dress in jeans and a t-shirt. I don't bother to put on my suit. At least I'm clean. I grab an apple and some granola bars from the pantry then head out the door.
Even though it's still dark outside, I walk into the office. I make coffee, turn on the lights, and fire up my computer. I sit in front of my desk and stare at the screen for several minutes until I hear someone enter my office.
"Mr. Rutherford?" Mrs. Thatcher says. "Why are you here so early?"
"Just thought I would get a jump start on the day," I say with a lump in my throat.
She steps around my desk and sits across from me. Her eyes scan over me before she speaks again.
"Can I get you a cup of coffee?" she asks.
"No, thanks. I'll wait for Mr. Anderson."
"Is everything alright?" she asks, looking concerned.
I give her a weak smile. "Yeah, I am fine. Just a bad night. I went home early last night. I guess I just didn't get enough sleep. Sorry for making you come in so early."
Mrs. Thatcher smiles sympathetically. "It's no problem at all. Now, if you would like to get started with your paperwork, I can take care of getting the files ready for today's meeting."
At that moment, someone knocks on the door.
"Come in," I call.
He opens the door then walks in, shutting it behind him. He takes off his jacket and tosses it onto the back of his chair. I notice he looks tired, which means he stayed up late last night.
"How are you feeling this morning?" I ask as soon as he sits down.
"Good, actually. Gabby went into labor last night. Alessandra was born a couple of hours ago."
"Congratulations," I respond. "That's great news. How is she doing?"
"Thank you. They are both doing great," he smiles.
"I am so happy to hear that. We can do this another time. You should have called me. I understand."
"Well, Gabby is exhausted, and the baby is sleeping. I figured I might as well do something useful," he shrugs.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay home today?" I ask.
"Nah, I'll be fine. Besides, I need to talk to you about something."
"Okay, let's get started."
Our meeting is filled with talk about possible mergers. It's a good distraction for a little while, but I know it won't last long. When the meeting is over, we say our goodbyes without any mention of Riley.