I didn’t believe her.

When I’d spoken to Sven the day before, he had been so smug over the phone, informing me that “of course” they were still together. “Why else would I be here?” He said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You didn’t even know her aunt was sick, what does that tell you?” he said, rubbing my face in it. But Belle hadn’t mentioned anything about a sick aunt. Had she?

The last few days had been a bit of a blur. Ever since we discovered the bug in the game, there had been pressure to sort it out. I wanted to test the game next week and had even booked a control group of kids to give it a go. It had to work by then. The particular bug had proven more insidious that we’d thought, and Seth had not yet been able to fix it.

I had not seen Belle in days.

Part of the reason I was so angry, was because I’d been looking forward to seeing her. Then I saw the messages that she was leaving town and didn’t know for how long. Out of the blue, like that. It was strange.

But it was the lying that got to me.

The fact that she was still with this Sven guy the whole time she was seeing me. The fact that he had known her almost all her life. What had he said to me the day before that really got to me?

“We’re basically married.”

What the fuck?

“That ring she wears, you must have noticed it?”

I had, she’d told me it was her mother’s. Now Sven said, he’d given it to her when she went to San Francisco. “I told her to have fun, go out, do what she had to do… and I’d be waiting for her. We were so young at the time you know. But she’s back now.”

I couldn’t believe my ears. All this time, I had been planning on a future for me and Belle. I had been seriously thinking about moving in with her, about sorting out the work situation so we could be together openly, and now this.

I took a shower, got ready for work. But things kept going wrong all day long. I had a board meeting in which I snapped at one of the most experienced members of the board. Afterwards, someone asked me, “What’s going on with you?” but I shrugged it off. I buried myself in work all afternoon, going through my emails, working on the game and making notes of additional changes.

Some of the things Sven had said, had rung true. That was the problem. After we’d gone sailing, Nathan had said to me, “She’s young, isn’t she?”

“What do you mean?” I asked him.

“It’s just… are you on the same path in life, I mean? She wants to see the world, do stuff, do people,” Nathan laughed. “But you want to settle, don’t you?”

Did I?

I didn’t know anymore.

What did I want?

I left work early and went to the rock-climbing gym. It was busy and I had to wait my turn. Then threw myself at the wall, banging my knee, scratching my arm and twisting my ankle. I was punishing my body, trying to get rid of my feelings about Belle.

Later, after my shower, I saw new messages from Belle.

Sven lied to you. Why won’t you believe me?

I didn’t have an answer for her.

But there was a part of me that felt like the magic had gone out of the relationship. There had been something so pure and beautiful about Belle. But that was gone now. She had been tainted by Sven and I told myself it didn’t matter if what he said was true or not. She’d called him to meet her at the airport, he was with her now.

I tortured myself with thoughts of what they were doing now, holding each other, going to McDonalds, or whatever people did in Kansas. I hated myself for these thoughts too. What I needed to do, was to get drunk, forget about all of this. I went to my kitchen cupboard and found a half-full bottle of whiskey and started on that. I added some ice, water and made myself a stiff drink. Threw that down. Then had another, and another after that.

The world began to turn a little hazy, a bit wobbly and fuzzy around the edges. I poured myself another one.

There was a call from Maya.

“Where are you?” she asked, sounding worried.

“At home,” I said, trying not to sound drunk.