“Of course,” my mom said. “You think your dad made a lot of money in the army? Not just that, but he spent a lot of his pay on himself, on booze and drugs, and I don’t know… the little he gave me, went to the rent, there was hardly anything for food and clothes. I always ran out of money and it’s not like I could work with the two of you around….” Her voice trailed away.
“Anyway, I have Tyler now and the boys.”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, meaning it. “I know I gave you a hard time.”
“I didn’t want to tell you all of this, making you mad at your father too. He got cleaned up, changed his ways, I’m glad he did. But it was too little, too late for us.”
I nodded.
I thought about this as I went off to meet Paul.
I wondered if what we felt was strong enough to withstand what we were going through now. I knew that what I felt for him was real. When I saw him in the coffee shop, waiting for me, my heart ached for him. I could see how tired he was, how much strain he was under. His face was pale, there were dark rings under his eyes. Even so, he was the most good-looking guy in the restaurant by far. All the waitresses stopped by his table to talk to him and bat their eyelids. That was the effect Paul had on women.
But he seemed oblivious to them now. He barely looked up when they spoke to him. I came up behind him, put a hand on his back.
“Paul.”
He turned to me, his face lighting up. “Grace.”
He got up to hug me, it was a tender, long embrace as if we’d been lovers separated for months or something. In fact, it hadn’t even been a week since we’d seen each other, but it felt longer somehow.
So much had happened.
“How are you?” I asked.
“Better now that I’m here with you,” he smiled. He asked me to switch off my phone, saying that he was probably being paranoid, but he’d rather play it safe.
“And you?” he asked. “How are you doing?”
“I’m glad I came out here,” I said. “Wiping bums and kitchen counters is a wonderful reality check about what is really important in life. My mom could use the help, so I have been happy to be of use here.”
“And Toby, your grandma?”
“They’re fine. They’ve had no more visitors or packages or anything.”
“Good,” Paul nodded, relieved.
“Have you found out anything else?”
His head dropped. “So much, you can’t believe,” he said, sounding tired and like he really didn’t want to talk about it. He covered his face in his hands, shaking his head.
“I don’t know where to start, honestly.”
I bit my lip and then I said. “You know, all I really want to know, is this...”
He looked at me expectantly.
“…How much did you know about the financial irregularities at Ladden?”
“What d’you mean?”
“The fake accounts, the inflated income, the shell companies?”
He nodded. “I knew, yes, but you know, this is what big companies do, they try to find loopholes in the tax codes, in the financial regulations and they exploit them. I knew what we were doing wasn’t by the book, strictly speaking, but everyone else was doing it too. Besides, no-one was getting hurt. I’m not saying that makes it right, but…”
“And you?” I asked. “What is the worst thing you’ve done?”
He looked at me and took a deep breath. “I took a bribe once. A million dollars.”