I said I would let her know.
But I had no intention of doing that. She’d made the decision to move out to a small town in New Hampshire with her partner Tyler, who actually turned out to be a decent sort. Tyler had an auto repair shop, and they had a small house. Ever since she had the twins two years ago, my mother was housebound and she preferred me and Toby to visit her in Packman, but the bus ride was always so long, and I invariably got handed the babies for some unasked-for babysitting so my mother could go off shopping or to do yoga or something.
I made my way home slowly, not feeling inclined to rush.
My phone rang and this time, it was the school, informing me that Toby had collapsed in class and had been taken to hospital.
I went home as quickly as I could, leaving the groceries on the kitchen floor while calling a cab to take me to the hospital. I instantly forgot about everything else. The school had no more information for me and as soon as I got to the hospital, I went to the nurse’s desk to ask about Toby.
I was sent into the waiting room and told someone would be with me shortly.
But there were loads of people waiting around. Mothers with crying children, old people in wheelchairs, children with casts on their arms. They looked tired and defeated, as if they’d been sitting there for hours.
At least, I knew Toby was there and was being attended to.
A nurse came to talk to me, informing me that Toby was fine and that they were running some tests.
“Can I see him?”
Someone called out to her for help, and she held up a hand.
“I’ll be with you shortly,” she said and rushed off.
My phone pinged.
I looked at my screen and saw it was Paul.
Have you seen this?
There was a link in the text.
I clicked on it and saw it go through to a news site, with a report of an elevator falling in some city, killing three people inside. I couldn’t believe it. The article detailed how the elevator fell fifteen floors and the people inside were killed on impact. One of the deceased was a schoolteacher, the other was a building surveyor and the third was a local businessman.
This could’ve been us.
I looked at Paul’s message and responded: But it wasn’t
We were given another shot at it.
To do what? I asked. To lie, deceive, try to get away with it?
It was the shock of being in hospital, waiting to hear what was wrong with Toby, being confronted with what was really important to me, the wellbeing of the people I loved. I could still remember the afternoon I was at home, having gotten back from school, doing homework at the kitchen table when the phone rang, and it was the Penitentiary, informing us that my father had been stabbed in a prison fight and was seriously injured. We couldn’t see him; we didn’t know how bad it was. We stayed up all night, my grandmother praying and me unable to think of anything else but willing my father to make it.
Which he did.
Nothing else matters when your loved ones are in trouble, sick or hurt.
He sent another text: What do you want me to say?
I was tired of all the bullshitting.
I said: Stop lying to me. Be better.
The doctor came over to speak to me and I put the phone down.
I could see Toby and I could think of nothing else.
Chapter 14