“You just passed my building?”

“I did?”

I made up an excuse about having to go home to do some work, that I had just remembered about. I could see she was disappointed, even angry, but I promised to make it up to her. I don’t know whether she believed me. To be honest, I didn’t really care.

I knew that I couldn’t go up to Clarissa’s place and be with her when I really wanted Grace. I was sure that Grace felt the same way, the way she had stared at me, the nervous laughter. She would come to me if I left her another note, I was sure of that. She would not refuse me. Thinking of her coming into my office, her eyes downcast, the lower lip trembling, caused me to become incredibly excited.

I could hardly explain it, this sense of arousal that the girl inspired in me. I knew if the elevator doors had not opened when they did, we would have had sex right there in the elevator. I had felt this incredible sexual energy and I knew she felt it too.

When she had stood in my office earlier today, it was back, as strong as it had been a year ago. We were about to embrace when Sarah with her sour face had interrupted us, spoiling everything.

I could think of nothing else all evening.

I wanted Grace and I needed to have her.

Chapter 5

Grace

I was distracted at work the next day.

Toby and I had breakfast that morning before work. My grandmother wasn’t up yet, and it was one of the few times of the day that Toby and I spent time together. As he’d gotten older, these times had become less and shorter and I tried to make the most of them, cooking him the kinds of breakfasts he would have trouble walking away from. Those meant eggs, bacon, toast, and some mornings, even pancakes. No matter what was going on in his life, Toby was always up for a big breakfast.

This morning, after he’d finished eating, he had looked up at me and said, “I’ve been thinking about next year, after school.”

I waited to hear what he was going to say.

“I’ve been thinking about taking a gap year, going traveling for a bit.”

Toby had mentioned this idea before and my father had warned him he’d have to pay his own way, even pay rent if he was staying at the house. It had caused a terrific row between them, awful things were said, and I had been too scared to ask him about it again. I feared Toby leaving and never coming back. Things between him and my father had always been tense.

“Pete says he’s going to go to San Diego and do lifeguarding in the summer. He says he can get me a job there too. I was thinking about doing that first.”

He looked at me, warily, waiting for my response.

“Sounds fun,” I said, as evenly as possible. I wanted him to know I was on his side. I always wanted to be supportive.

“You’re okay with it?”

“And college next year?”

He shrugged. Toby wasn’t the kind of student I was. His marks were average, and he hadn’t really shown aptitude for anything. By the time I was a senior in high school, my marks for mathematics and accounting were of the highest in the class. I knew what I was going to study and where. Maybe it was different for me, I felt I needed to plan my future and work with clear goals in sight. Toby had always been more relaxed, more interested in going out with friends than thinking about his future. It drove my father crazy, and I didn’t want to remind him that Toby took more after our free-spirited mother, who had done all kinds of jobs and had dropped out of college before marrying my father.

When I arrived at work, I went to the cafeteria for proper coffee.

“I thought that was you.”

I looked up and saw Paul standing in front of me.

The cafeteria was empty, the morning rush over and most staff members were at work already.

“I’m a bit late,” I said, feeling foolish for stating the obvious.

“Come have lunch with me today,” he said. “In my office.”

I didn’t know what to say. “I can’t really take lunch,” I said, looking towards the lobby. “I thought to work through lunch.” I held up the pre-packed sandwich I was about to pay for.

He took it from my hand and put it back on the counter.