“Like cooking,” I say softly, the pieces falling into place. Maybe Rafael and I aren’t so different. He was deprived of learning about the world in a different way. While I was intentionally sheltered, he was never taught by a caring adult. “Do you still talk to her?”
He shakes his head. “No, uh, they had three biological sons. One of them got sick and well, it was expensive, so they had to cut costs somewhere.”
“I don’t follow.”
He swallows the rest of his sandwich in one big bite. “They sent me back to social services. One less mouth to feed. Plus, you know physical therapy isn’t cheap.”
“Physical therapy?” I think my mom had that after a horse-riding accident when I was young. I thought it was something only injured people do.
“For cerebral palsy,” he explains. “It’s why my body…doesn’t. Why I don’t move easy and can’t always relax some muscles. It’s a movement disorder.”
“But you don’t have a wheelchair,” I say and immediately blush. “It’s just that I’ve seen people with it on the internet. They’re usually a lot worse than you. I mean, it’s not a competition...oh, I’m messing this up. I want to be supportive and say the right things, and I don’t know what they are.”
Half his mouth tips up in an almost smile. “Like a lot of conditions, it exists on a spectrum. One person might be severely affected to the point of being permanently disabled. Another person may only be affected mildly, to the point that they can be perceived as healthy.”
“Is it painful?”
“Yeah, the muscle pain when your body twists up is pretty bad. But the stares in public are worse. The pity, the curiosity. You want to go to the fuckin’ grocery store without people staring and acting like you’re a circus act.”
My heart twists at what he’s saying. “You’re not serious.”
He watches a squirrel.
“You haven’t had an easy life,” I say the realization creeping over me. I don’t know why it makes my heart hurt to imagine that Rafael’s life has been so difficult. I barely know the guy, and yet I want to hug away his pain.
“You haven’t had an easy life either, princess.”
My eyes widen. I think he’s the first person to ever say that to me. Most people assume because I’ve grown up in splendor that I’ve been allowed to do whatever I want.
“I’m scared to go back. Being here with you is the first taste of freedom that I’ve had. In my whole life, I’ve never gotten to be free. I’ve always felt…caged.” Admitting those words out loud is the scariest thing I’ve done in a long time.
Some emotion I can’t define flickers across his face. “We’ll make the most of it. What are some normal, everyday activities that you’ve always wanted to try?
I take another bite of my gooey sandwich. “Well, cooking for one. Gardening, camping. Ooh, I’ve always wanted to try camping.”
When Rafael looks at me, his eyes are smiling. “One camping trip coming right up.”
6
RAFE
One hour later,I’m standing in Grizz’s outdoor shop, trying to pretend I know what the hell I’m doing.
“This is so exciting,” Aurora gushes for the third time in as many minutes. “I had no idea you were such an outdoorsman.”
I’m outdoorsy in that I know how to grow vegetables. I know fuck all about camping, but the hero worship in Aurora’s gaze is doing something funny to my insides. It’s making me want to be worthy of that look. “Love the outdoors. Can’t get enough of them.”
“I bet you’ve been camping a million times,” she says and turns to the display of tents. “In your expert opinion, which one would be the best?”
I chance a look at Grizz who’s standing a few feet from us. He’s been quietly eavesdropping since we came into the shop. He offered to help us, but Aurora waved him off.
Grizz subtly gestures to the one on the top shelf, careful not to attract Aurora’s attention. I owe the man a steak for having my back. So far, he’s quietly directed us to the best hiking boots and ponchos for the adventure.
“This one,” I yank it from the shelf. “It’s weather-proof which is great for the uh, weather.”
She frowns. “Are we expecting bad weather tonight?”
“Never can be too careful,” I answer, as if I thought to check out the forecast for tonight. In truth, I saw the look of hope in Aurora’s eyes when she said she wanted to go camping. In that moment, I decided she’d get to experience this at least once in her life.