Page 2 of The Girl He Claimed

Paige sighed. She knew she was.She'd had all the same training Dr. Chang had.

"It made me feelresponsible," Paige said, her voice low and uneven. "I know that Iwas doing my job, but... I still feel like I could have prevented it somehow.Like I should have seen some way of saving his victim that would have stoppedhim from dying."

Dr. Chang nodded and scribbledsomething down on her notepad. "And how has that affected you in yourdaily life, Paige?"

Paige leaned back in her chair,feeling the weight of all the emotions she'd been carrying around for weeks.Was this really the moment to tell Dr. Chang everything?

"What do you mean?” Paigeasked.

"How has it made you feelabout your job, Paige? Are you worried about making the same decisionagain?"

Paige considered the question."I'm worried that I'll second guess myself. I'm always worried that I'llmake a mistake and someone else will end up hurt or dead."

Dr. Chang leaned forward, herexpression kind, in a practiced way. "It's natural to feel that way. Butyou have to remember that you did everything you could in that situation. Youacted to protect someone else. As I understand it, that's what the job is allabout. Tell me, has this brought up anything to do with your father?"

Paige shook her head sharply. Shecould feel herself shutting down, throwing up the internal defenses that hadalways served her well, that had protected her ever since her father's murderwhen she was fourteen.

"No, why would it?"

"Because it may make you feelas though this is another death that you weren't able to prevent? The way youcouldn't do anything about your father's murder when you were fourteen?"

Another moment of memory threatenedto intrude, this one of being the person to find her father's body out in thewoods, one of the early victims of the Exsanguination Killer. Paige pushed thememory back.

"I've dealt with deaths sincethen," Paige pointed out. She wasn't going to let this be just about herchildhood trauma. "I completed a doctorate on serial killers, and now Iwork catching them. Agent Marriott and I have attended plenty of crimescenes."

"Again, I feel like you'reavoiding the question," Dr. Chang said, steepling her fingers and leaningback in her chair. "You understand that Agent Sauer asked me to assessyour fitness to return to full duties?"

Agent Sauer was Paige's boss. Aftereverything that had happened over in Winterly, chasing down another serialkiller, was it any wonder that he'd sent her for a psychiatric assessment? Atleast he'd given Paige the choice of where she wanted to do it, although hehadn't allowed her to simply pick her old mentor Prof. Thornton. The St JustInstitute had felt like familiar ground. Now, she was starting to regret it.

Paige sighed. "And youunderstand, Dr. Chang, that I have enough experience on your side of thisconversation to know how it goes. If I wanted, I could fake being perfectlyfine well enough that any doctor here would sign me off as fit to work."

Dr. Chang's expression was gentle."Yes, you could," she said, nodding. "Which invites the questionof why you don't. Is that truly what you want? Do you want to go back to work,Paige?"

"Of course it's what Iwant," Paige said. "It's my job. I've spent my entire adult lifelearning how to catch these killers and how to solve these crimes. How do youthink I feel, knowing that I can't be a part of that?"

"Regardless of thecircumstances of what happened," Dr. Chang said, "Agent King, you'vehad a traumatic experience. We need to address that."

That was hard for Paige, knowingthat she had to go through all this in order to get back to work. She toldherself that it was simply what she had to do, that she had to get through it.

"I can tell you right now thatI'm fine," Paige said. "I'd like to think that I have enoughpsychological knowledge to know what to watch for."

"And now you're beingcombative to avoid having to deal with things," Dr. Chang said. "I'mtelling you, Paige, that you're not fine. You're not even close to fine."

Paige sighed again. "Shall wemake this simpler? You're looking for signs that I'm suffering from PTSD,right? Irritability, flashbacks, difficulty sleeping, hyper-vigilance, suddenanxiety. I've had most of those since I was fourteen. I've learned how to dealwith them, Dr. Chang."

"And yet they've never goneaway. Why do you think that is, Paige?"

Paige wasn't happy with this lineof questioning. It was pushing into territory she wanted to avoid, so she said,”We both know I've had a lot of traumatic experiences. It's just part of thejob."

Dr. Chang raised an eyebrow."Is it really just part of the job, Paige? Or is that something thatyou've been using to justify the fact that you haven't properly dealt with yourtrauma?"

Paige bristled at the implication."I have dealt with it. I've gone to therapy. I've talked about it withfriends. I'm coping."

Dr. Chang considered her forseveral seconds. "I can't make up my mind if you're determined to get backto your job or determined to sabotage that by acting out here."

"I'm not acting out,"Paige snapped back.

"Really?" Dr. Changcocked her head to one side. "As you've pointed out, Paige, you have allthe skills of a trained psychologist. Consider our conversation. If you were inmy position, what would you say to yourself?"

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