Page 41 of Where Is the Love

Yes, you fucked up. Have a nice life, Brixton.

That was it for the day. Whoever said that a man couldn’t handle the shit he dished out was telling the absolute truth. Her rejection was taking me low. I could only imagine how she felt yesterday when I did it to her.Damn.I made my way inside after putting up the feed and took a shower then packed a bag. I’d let this financial bullshit ruin something that wasn’t replaceable… my future with her and, just as important, her friendship.

* * *

“Thank you,Mr. Lewis, for taking the time to come talk to us. Don’t let the glares and angry dispositions discourage you. I’ve been through this before. They didn’t even bother telling us. We showed up to work the next day only to see the doors were locked, and they had gone out of business. While you didn’t give much of a warning, I knew it was coming. Business has been really slow for the past year. I appreciate you taking the time to come out and talk to us.”

Terrence extended his hand and shook mine as I nodded. This shit was hard. Looking at the facility I worked my ass off to build was depressing as hell. It no longer had a heart. The pulse was dead. I walked around the building, wishing I would have been more proactive. The situation with my parents had taken precedence. My dad’s death had taken my attention completely. Living in Nome didn’t make it any easier. It was hard to see the reality of what was happening since I wasn’t here.

I’d called a realtor, and they would be here first thing Monday morning to look at it. There was already a for sale sign on my place, and the movers would be arriving Monday to start packing shit. My bedroom suit would be the last shit to go. They said they would be done Tuesday morning. I would head back to Nome soon after.

At first, I was gonna have my stuff put in a storage unit in Austin, but I knew it would be in my best interest to go ahead and transport it to Beaumont now. That way whenever I figured out what the fuck I would do, it would already be there. As I continued to walk around the place, my phone rang. When I saw Stacy’s number, I answered. “Hey, sis. How are you?”

“Hey! Sounds like I should be asking you that question. You good, Brix?”

“I just put my gym up for sale.”

“Shit. As if you don’t have enough to deal with. I’m sorry. Did you ever hear back from the bank about the loan?”

“Yeah. I didn’t get it. My debt-to-income ratio was too high. With the sale of the gym and my house, that should fix that. It doesn’t matter though. The Hendersons paid off everything.”

“What?”

“The Hendersons paid off everything, including the back taxes in Jefferson and Hardin Counties.”

“What the fuck? What do they want in return?”

“Nothing. Mr. W.J. said they didn’t like to see the black people of the community struggling. They’ve been blessed to be a blessing to others. That was nearly a hundred grand they broke off for us to keep that property.”

“Damn, bruh! That’s a huge weight lifted. Thank God!” After she calmed down, she asked, “Why don’t you sound excited about it?”

“I am excited. That’s less we have to worry about.”

“Naw, Brix. What’s up?”

“I told you. I just put my gym and house up for sale. I’m not in the best mood, Stacy.”

I didn’t want to tell her about Jessica. Everyone close to me knew how much Jess meant to me. Not only did I feel like a failure in life, I felt like a failure in love too. She was right to question where love was. It seemed it was nonexistent by my actions. Depression was descending on me heavy, and that shit was all on me.

“I’m sorry. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“A’ight.”

“I love you, Brix. Look at this as a new beginning. Things will get better.”

“I love you too.”

I ended the call and continued walking around. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror as I walked, I couldn’t help but think about my father. I looked just like him. In my moment of failure and weakness, I saw him clearly, because in my eyes, he was a failure. It was at this moment I realized my thinking was all fucked up. My father had it hard because his parents had it hard, but he wasn’t a failure.

He had a family that loved and supported him. Secondly, he never gave up. When something didn’t work out the way he thought it would, he would try something else. He never stopped trying to provide for his family, and that shit made him a grown ass man. It made him honorable and admirable. No matter how high the chips were stacked against him, he tried his best to overcome. When he didn’t, he couldn’t wallow in defeat like it seemed I was on the verge of doing. He had a wife and two children by the time he was my age.

He had three people depending on him to provide a life for them. We didn’t see the tireless efforts he put in or the sacrifices he made at the time. We were selfish kids. All we saw were the things we had to go without instead of being grateful for the shit we had. My parents weren’t good at budgeting money, but there wereplentyof people who weren’t. They did the best they could by us. I realized that my attitude toward them and how they handled money was probably why they borrowed it from Mr. Jeffcoat without telling me.

For the first time in a long time, I cried. I sat on the weight bench and let my fears, insecurities, and feelings of inadequacy flow down my cheeks uncontained. I didn’t try to dry them up or hold them inside. It was time out for trying to be hard. I needed to be real. I would accept this round one defeat and regroup to start again like Stacy said. Life wasn’t over. It was just beginning again.

When I had nothing left inside of me, I grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and wiped my face. I looked around once more then made my way to the door. After walking out, I noticed all my employees were still standing there. I locked up and turned to them, and the applause erupted. I was glad I had gotten out all my emotions a minute ago, or they would have had me crying right here.

I made my way down the few stairs, and Sherise said, “Thank you, Mr. Lewis, for being a good employer. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.”

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