Page 61 of Cruelest Vow

I was used to dealing with chaos and danger at the same time, my reaction toward violence processed through training. The adrenaline rush I’d experienced before, as I always did when vanquishing a life had already faded, leaving me with nothing but a dull ache inside.

“You still don’t believe me,” I said as I brought the glass to my lips.

“I don’t know what to believe any longer. When we touched, it felt so right, filling a void that nothing else had been able to.” She looked away, swirling the drink in her glass before tossing back most of it, coughing as soon as she had. Her slender body was racked with sobs again, ones so violent she began to dry heave. “But why wouldn’t you find me? Why?”

“Because of what I was told.”

“This is crazy. How can you be here?” An agonizing sound erupted from her throat. “No. You’re not my friend. My friend wouldn’t allow me to believe for fifteen years that he was dead! Dead. That’s cruel and heartless.”

“Yes. But I was told you didn’t care.”

“How could you believe that when I followed you around like a puppy dog? No. You’re an imposter, a horrible person.” She pressed her fists against her ears. I hated the way her entire body shook, her anger as strong as mine had been. How could I blame her after the wasted years of bitterness and anger?

“Look at me,leonessa. Tell me you don’t see the boy in the man you used to care about.” My command was deep. She needed to see past the growth and muscles, the facial hair and scars. She needed to see me, the boy who’d turned into a monster.

It took her several seconds to comply, the agony on her face like a sharp, jagged knife being driven into my heart. “I don’t know what I see any longer but lies.”

“I’m sorry. The reality of losing everyone I cared about changed me forever.” Exhaling, I rubbed my eyes. I never anticipated this would be easy, but in truth, this was almost as devastating as losing everyone I’d cared about.

Almost everyone.

The woman who’d invaded my dreams was right here. And I’d almost crushed her.

“Sorry?” There was more agitation in her voice. “For what? Destroying my life not once but twice? For shutting down my emotions because I was terrified of caring about anyone else? Why?” She laughed, the sound so angry and bitter that bile formed in my mouth, yet she took a step closer. Then another, narrowing her eyes as she searched mine for any possible truths.

I sensed she was starting to believe in the impossible.

“Or are you sorry for making me think that there was something special between us?”

“There was and is something special between us,leonessa.”

“Don’t call me that!” she barked as she jerked up from the couch. “Only D’Artagnan was allowed to call me that and I… I betrayed him when I allowed you to use it.” Her entire body was shaking as she walked as far away from me in the room as possible, her chest heaving as she took deep breaths.

I took a deep breath myself, holding it for several seconds. Nothing would erase the pain in my heart. I pressed my fingers against my temples, furious that I’d fallen into a vengeful trap. How could I have ever thought she’d do anything to hurt me? “Would you prefer I call you shrimp?”

The gasp she issued was just as gut-wrenching. She paled, her mouth pursed open as if there were hundreds of words she wanted to say. When she cupped her face with both hands, tears slipped past her lashes. “It can’t be. My father forced me to stare at your corpse, but only once. I wasn’t allowed to go to your funeral. I was sent away, grieving alone. I had no one. No one!”

“I thought you abandoned me. I’m sorry.”

“No. No!” Her eyes darted back and forth, her lower lip quivering. “My father told me you were dead. That you’d perished with your entire family.”

There was such hopelessness in her voice, her suffering exactly what I felt. “I was told you knew I was alive, following your duties by locking me in the barn.” I laughed, the bitter sound coming from a man I didn’t recognize any longer.

“What? Who told you such lies? I tried to save you. I ran to get help like you asked, but there was another explosion. I was knocked to the ground. I tried to run back to the barn, but there were men with masks. They dragged me away, locking me inside the garden shed. My father found me later, telling me what happened. He said you were dead. Dead. Dead.”

She flew toward me, unbridled rage crossing her face as she pummeled her fists against my chest. I allowed her to continue, thriving on the pain, deserving the agony for what I’d done to her. To us.

“I hate you! I fucking hate you! You horrible bastard!” She cracked her palm across my face, stumbling backward, tossing her head from side to side. “I hate you.”

“Then hate me. That’s all I deserve.” Hissing, I closed my eyes. I deserved nothing but pain, but the people responsible would pay for what they’d done, the hurt. The anger. The need for revenge. They’d pay and I’d enjoy every moment of tearing them apart.

The seconds passed in slow motion but as her knees started to buckle, I was instantly there, holding her in my arms as I’d wanted to do for years. A part of me felt guilty because I’d stolen the recent precious moments we’d shared, tasting the forbidden. But it had all been a twisted game, a lunge for power, and we’d both been used as pawns. As I wrapped my arm around her waist, holding her against me, the time we’d been separated meant nothing, the glass house forcefully built around us cracked.

I managed to place our drinks on an end table, cupping her face. Possessively. Unflinchingly. Protectively. She continued to tremble in my hold as she wrapped her fingers around my shirt.

“You came to kill me,” she whispered in a statement of disbelief. The tears streaming down her face were punishment for lying to her as everyone else had done.

“I’d never hurt you, baby, my beautifulleonessa. I’d die for you. I’d kill for you. I have killed for you. No one will ever be able to hurt you again. You have my solemn oath.”

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