Page 29 of Crash and Burn

It’s best for everyone if I simply excuse myself and go away. I have no doubt.

“Axel!” Hannah jogs on the grass to catch up, though we both know I’m not moving as fast as I wish I could. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Going home.” I look over her head and ignore the pain in her stare, the tears on her cheeks. I disregard the anger. The hostility. The quickly waning patience. “I have things to do at the house, and…” Finally, I meet her eyes, “You have a job to get to.”

“You think you can dismiss me like that, huh?” She shoves me back a step when I would rather come closer. Hold her. Hug her. “We were together, Axel. We were crossing those lines and being there for each other. So you don’t get to ignore my calls for more than a fricken week like that night never existed.”

“But it did exist.” I reach across and cup her cheek, only for my guilt to grow heavier when, for a single beat, her eyes soften. “Cootes died that night, Han. And that really fuckin’ sucks. It shouldn’t have happened, and I especially shouldn’t have been fucking around with you instead of doing my job.”

“You weren’t working that night!” She slaps my hand away. “You were injured. On. The. Job. You were on departmentally ordered sick leave. What happened to Ainsley wasn’t on you, Axel.”

“I didn’t push her up those stairs,” I agree, my tone gentle to allay her temper. “But I should’ve been there that night. Keeping my team safe.”

“Aren’t you exhausted?” She moves onto her heels and shakes her head, disappointed—and if I’m not mistaken, disgusted. “Always playing the martyr. Always the victim. You try so damn hard to be perfect for everyone, and in doing so, you hurt the ones you swear you’re protecting. It’s all a steaming pile of dog shit.”

“Hannah, you don’t—”

“You pretend to have everyone else’s best interest at heart. You dictate who I can be with, based on that best interest bullshit. But it’s all a lie, just so you can keep your distance and skirt all responsibility in this world. You say you love me, but you won’t let me in. Aren’t you tired of the lies?”

Her words harden me and prepare me to do what’s needed to get past this moment. Break a heart or two, then continue living.

I shrug. “Aren’t you tired of begging for scraps from a man who doesn’t want you?”

I hate how her expression drops.

How her eyes darken, and her jaw quivers.

“Aren’t you embarrassed that, after all that begging and whining, I finally gave in and fucked you—”

Her eyes spill over. “Axel…”

“But after it all, the crying and convincing and seducing, you’re nothing more than a dirty little secret whore I’ll never admit to anyone else?” I force a poisonous, painfilled laugh to roll through my chest. “It’s humiliating, Hannah. The whole town sees it except you.”

“Y-you don’t mean that.” Her chest heaves for oxygen, the way it did when we made love. Her breath shudders, just like it did when I could taste her on my tongue. “You’re saying hurtful things to make me angry enough to leave.”

“Am I?” I take a single step closer and lean down until we’re just an inch apart. Until her breath tickles my lips, and her tears are like smelling rain in the air. “Or are you just that pathetic? Because from where I stand, and as far as the whole town is concerned…” I lift my head and gesture over her shoulder, to where dozens of people, my colleagues and friends, watch us.

Nicole. Preston. Rizzo and Sloane, a bunch of dudes from the local Griffin tech office, and even the delivery guys from the bakery. We’re far enough away that no one could possibly hear the words we speak, but their curious gazes are enough to help sell my version of this bullshit.

“You’re a joke, Hannah. And everyone knows it. You’re a high school dropout who slings cakes for fifteen bucks an hour. That’s all you’ll ever be, because that’s all you aspire for.”

“So?” She jerks back and sneers up at me. “I left school because I didn’t like it, and felt no need to build a debt just to make society happy. And I like my job. That’s all there is to it. Ilike,” she shoves me back a step, “my job! Fifteen dollars an hour is all I need to eat and pay for heat and live comfortably. Why ask for more if I don’t need it?”

“Because most people want more from life.” This hurts. It all hurts so fucking much, but she won’t take no for an answer. So I have to dent her ego. Make her hate me. “Most peoplestartat a bakery. They don’t spend their entire fucking lives there while pining after a man who doesn’t want them.”

“M-Ms. Sullivan?” Raul, the short, round delivery driver, closes the gap between everyone else and where we stand. “Are you okay?”

“Helikes you.” I bring my gaze back and lower my voice. And though it stings my very soul, I dig in deeper and ignore the tears on her pale cheeks. “Go settle with him. He makes fifteen dollars an hour too. Add it to yours, and you’ll live a comfortable enough life together. Ya know, with someone who actually wants you.”

I can see the very moment her heart hardens. When her feelings for me switch to hatred. But it’s not until she lifts her shoulders that I truly understand the damage I’ve done.

“Fuck you, Axel Feeney.” Her nose wrinkles, and her hands ball by her sides. “You’re an asshole, and I’m sorry I wasted my time.”

“Good.”Mission accomplished.So I lift a hand and flick it toward Raul. “Now go, and stop coming around my place. If roles were reversed and a dude you didn’t want kept coming to your house, cops would’ve been involved.”

She stares deep into my eyes. Shooting dangerous daggers I would happily swallow if it meant I could wave a wand and erase my hurtful words from her memory.

But this is best.

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