Page 33 of Chasing Secrets

“God, no,” I choked out. My dick felt like it was going to bust out of my pants.

I swore I saw a flicker of amusement in Theo’s eyes at my response, but he shuttered it quickly. I also saw the moment he realized the position we were in. As soon as he remembered whatever he’d been feeling before I’d entered the room, he predictably tried to break free of my hold, but I knew if I let him go, he’d clam up again and I’d never know what I’d done to hurt him.

I still had a hold of his wrists, so I gently turned one arm over and softly pressed my lips to the bandage covering his new cuts. The move had him stilling for a moment. When I lifted my head, I allowed him to move off my lap but that was as far as I would let him go. I needed to be touching him during our upcoming conversation, but I couldn’t explain why. After all, how did you explain something you yourself didn’t really understand?

“Are you the one who brought me the cake?” I asked.

Theo took a long time to nod before saying, “Ford asked me to.”

His lie hurt.

A lot.

A lot more than I’d been ready for.

I released my hold on Theo and untangled our limbs so I could get off the window seat. Theo didn’t try to stop me, nor did he ask me why I was moving. From the way he turned his body away from me, I figured he already knew why.

I went and sat on the edge of the bed so that I was still facing him. Everything about it was wrong. I wanted him back in my arms. I wanted his touch, his eyes exploring every part of my body. I wanted to do the same to him even though I already knew what he looked like naked since I’d had to undress him to treat him for his infection.

I’d seen the scars.

All of them.

The ones he’d likely inflicted upon himself.

And the ones he wouldn’t have been able to. The marks someone else had left on him so he’d never forget whatever fucked-up lesson or punishment they were literally driving into his skin.

“Ford knows I don’t typically eat sweets,” I said softly. “And he’d never enter my room without my permission. Neither would Cam.”

Theo didn’t respond. He was sitting cross-legged on the window seat. As usual, his eyes were looking down and he was picking at a loose thread on his sweats.

“Fine. I brought you the cake. I wasn’t hungry but I didn’t want to offend Ford by not accepting it.”

I was quiet for a long time as I considered my next move. I wanted to help Theo with everything I was, but what if he was already too far gone? And hadn’t I been reminding myself on the ride back to the house tonight that I couldn’t allow myself to get even more emotionally tied to the young man than I already was? I was already bogged down by enough of my own shit.

“I can hear it now,” I murmured. Now I was the one with my head hung as I studied my fingers. “I used to need to see your eyes to know when you were lying, but I can hear it in your voice now too.”

I forced myself to lift my head so I could see how he responded. Instead of picking at his sweats, he was running his nails against his thigh.

Hard.

Thankfully, the fabric would protect his skin but with the amount of force he was using, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up with some bruises.

At least a minute of silence went by. It was a standoff of sorts, I supposed.

“I want you to leave,” Theo said, his voice shaky.

Good. That meant he hadn’t slipped away to that safe place in his head where the rest of the world didn’t exist.

He was stillmyTheo.

“Why did you cut yourself after leaving the cake in my room?” I asked.

The blunt question got a reaction out of Theo. He practically jumped to his feet and stalked to the bedroom door. “I asked you to leave!” he snapped.

My own anger flared to life, and I was on my own feet before I could get a hold of my temper. I strode to the door but instead of walking through it, I yanked it from his grip and nearly slammed it shut but remembered at the last moment that the noise would carry throughout the house and we’d end up with unwanted company. Theo had taken several steps backwards in the process. I made sure he saw me flip the lock on his door.

“You wanted to send me a message, Theo,” I said as calmly as I could. “You wanted me to come here and see what you’d done. You wanted me to see your fucking bag and this…” I continued as I moved past him to grab the hair tie off the bed. “If you hadn’t, you would have locked the fucking door and I would have left you alone, assuming you were asleep. But you knew I’d come to thank you for the cake.”

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