Page 1 of Chasing Secrets

PROLOGUE

THEO

Ireally was a good liar.

It wasn’t something I was exactly proud of, but I couldn’t say I typically felt a lot of guilt about spouting falsehoods.

Not anymore.

And they weren’t really lies if you were just telling someone something they wanted to hear anyway, right?

Yes, Mom and Dad, I’ve been saved by the light of God.

Yes, Father Abbott, I’ve been healed through prayer, and He has forgiven me my sins.

Yes, I am cured of my unnatural desires and am grateful to my Lord God for showing me the way.

So then why the fuck couldn’t I catch my breath as I flipped the three locks on the door, ensuring I was once again safely ensconced alone in my apartment?

Why did it feel like I was fifteen again and lying to my parents about what I’d really been doing with the boy who’d been so much more than just my best friend?

He's okay. Ford is okay.

I pressed my head against the flimsy wood and tried to focus on the sounds of the apartments around mine. The couple across the hall were shouting at each other as usual and the guy three doors down was blaring his music so loud it made my teeth hurt. I was surprised the dealer in the apartment next to mine hadn’t done something about the hip hop-loving wannabe DJ since that much noise would be sure to draw unwanted attention to our building and, more specifically, our floor.

I almost laughed out loud.

Who was I kidding? The cops, along with the rest of the world, had given up on this part of the city a long time ago. Minneapolis and its sister city, St. Paul, successfully held on to its wholesome midwestern reputation year after year but it was just like any other place. Whether by choice or by circumstance, the lost hid themselves within the shadows of the found.

I was one of those lost, though I’d spent the better part of a decade pretending to be one of the found.

Found in God.

Found in life.

Found in myself.

Bullshit.

It was all bullshit.

Just like the lines I’d fed to my former best friend and childhood sweetheart, Ford, and his good-looking cop boyfriend minutes earlier.

Ford is okay.

My body began to feel equally hot and cold as I turned my back to the door and let my body slide along the wood until my ass hit the thin carpet.

Is this okay?

I’d asked Ford that question over and over as I’d unleashed my newfound desire on his gorgeous body when we’d still been foolish teenagers who’d believed we were somehow immune to the way the world really worked. Although Ford had been older than me by six months, I’d been the aggressor when it had come to giving in to the white-hot need that had become like a living thing between us from the first time we’d kissed.

Is this okay?

I could still see Ford’s blown pupils and swollen lips as he looked down at me and nodded. I could feel my hands shaking as I desperately worked to open the button and zipper of his snug jeans. I could still taste the sweetness of his kisses on my tongue as I let my fingers drift over the outline of his erection beneath the too-tight denim.

Is this okay?

Theo, please…

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