Page 39 of Savage Hearts

“For what?”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with me, Beckett. This is why you walked away so that you wouldn’t be caught up in my drama.”

“Look at me, Celestina.” His hand rubbed down my arm. “Please, roll over.”

Slowly, I rolled my body to face him. He shifted into the bed so he was lying beside me and cupped my cheek. “I walked away because I thought I was protecting you. That choice nearly got you killed… got your sister taken, and pushed you to this. I can’t take back what I did, but I can ensure you aren’t alone anymore. None of this is your fault. Hell, it’s not even my fault. It’s Manuel Costa’s doing.

“When I came down the stairs and busted open that door, my heart stopped beating. I’ve been in war, Celestina, but seeing you crumpled on the floor near death was far scarier than my time in Afghanistan. With every breath I blew into your mouth, I prayed. I’ve just gotten you back. And it guts me that you felt there was no way out of your grief or that I hadn’t noticed what you were hiding.”

“I’m scared, Beckett.”

“I know, baby, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you’re safe. But I need you to promise me you’ll tell me if it gets that bad again. Emilia can’t lose you… I can’t lose you.” He pressed his lips to mine, a tender kiss that erased every fear I’d been harboring about him.

“Can you help me shower?” I pulled back from him. “I feel disgusting, and I just want to wash away this cloud of shame, if that’s possible.”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

Beckett stood beside the bed and helped me move into a sitting position. Still feeling weak from the drugs I’d ingested, my head swam with dizziness. As I pressed my feet to the floor, Beckett scooped me into his arms.

“Grab the IV stand for me.”

Wrapping my fingers around the metal pole, I dragged it behind us as he moved across the floor into the bathroom. Beckett sat me down on the counter and unhooked the clear bag of fluids and set it on my lap. At some point, someone had put a hospital gown on me, making it easy for him to unsnap and remove. He carefully slid the cotton material over my arm and the tubing that was attached to the IV fluids.

“Sit right there.” He pressed a kiss to my lips and turned around to turn on the shower. Once the water was running, I watched in shock as he stripped his clothes off, leaving on his boxers. When he turned to look at me, he raised an eyebrow. “Did you actually think I was going to let you get in alone?” He stepped in front of me and tilted my chin up, so I looked him in the eyes. “I’m going to take care of you, Cee.”

Hearing him use my family’s nickname for me brought tears to my eyes.

“Okay.”

Beckett lifted me off the vanity and cradled me against his chest as he stepped into the massive shower stall. Carrying me over to one of the built-in benches, he set me on the seat. He grabbed a loofa and poured a generous amount of soap on it before kneeling in front of me. Part of me wanted to cover my body, embarrassed about how I’d changed from giving birth to Emilia, but when I caught sight of his expression, I knew it was unnecessary. Only love radiated from his gaze.

His hands caressed my skin, gently scrubbing away the filth that wasn’t really there. That was all in my head, but somehow, he knew I needed this. Once he finished with my body, he dumped a heaping amount of shampoo in his hand and began massaging it into my scalp. I couldn’t help the moan that escaped from my lips, making him pause momentarily.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Close your eyes, baby.” Warm water cascaded down my face, taking the suds with it. “Okay, you can open them.”

Peeling my lids apart, I hissed at the nearness of his chest.

“Do you hate me?”

Beckett set down the handheld shower wand and framed my face with his palms.

“I need you to listen to me, Celestina. I never hated you. Not when I took you from the bar that night. Not when I held you in my house at the orders of a madman. And I didn’t hate you when I walked away. No, I think I loved you from the minute I watched you drink that awful girly drink. I’m so sorry I caused this… Maybe if I’d stayed… let your brothers help me, then Carmela wouldn’t be missing. Maybe no one would have died. This isn’t your fault. It lays squarely on me, sweet girl.”

“I just want to stop feeling like this. I want to love you and Emilia the way you deserve, but with Carmela missing, a part of me is missing, too. I feel so guilty.”

“Come on. Let me get you out so I can tell you what we’ve learned.”

Beckett shut off the shower and stepped out. I watched as he stripped off his wet boxers and wrapped a towel around his waist. He retrieved another one and quickly had me wrapped inside its warmth. Carrying me out to the bed, he set me down and, with more tenderness than I expected from him, dried me off.

“Would you like me to put some real clothes on you?”

I nodded my head, and he grabbed a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from the chest of drawers. Feeding the IV bag and tubing through the sleeve of the shirt, he carefully tugged the material over my head. Laying me back, Beckett eased the athletic shorts over my hips and pulled them up. Unable to help myself, I reached out and brushed my hand across the bulge hidden beneath the towel.

“Celestina…” he growled, grabbing my hand. “As much as I would like to let you explore, you’re in no condition.” Beckett went back to the dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts for himself and slipped them on.

He resecured my IV on the pole, then slipped into the bed beside me. “I’m going to tell you everything we’ve learned, but I need you to promise me something.”

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