Page 38 of Savage Hearts

Turning my head away in shame, I whispered my words. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I was just hurting too much. I’ve fucked everything up. Hell, I can’t even kill myself.”

“Oh, Cee.” Catarina leaned over and wrapped her arms around my stiff frame. “You haven’t messed anything up. This mess isn’t on you alone. And your pain isn’t yours alone, either. We’ll find Carmela and bring her home.”

“Will we?”

Catarina pinched her lips together. I could see the uncertainty in her gaze. Instead of answering me, she stood and slipped her phone out. “I need to call Dr. Luchasi.”

Kevin Luchasi was the family doctor. He’d been there when I’d recovered from my accident, and now he’d be picking up my pieces again. Rolling away from Catarina, the blue sky outside drew my attention away from the looming sadness threatening to pull me under. It wasn’t until I felt the dip in the bed I noticed he’d arrived.

“Celestina.” His voice washed over me as he pressed his palm to my shoulder. “Let’s look you over, okay?” Rolling to my back, I closed my eyes to avoid looking at him. “Nuh-uh, sweetheart. I need you to open those beautiful brown eyes so I can assess you. Do you know where you are?”

“Yes.” My throat felt as if it’d been set on fire. “My house.”

“That’s right. Can you tell me what happened?” He shined a pin light into my pupils as he spoke.

A tear slipped from my eye as I fought to answer. “I stole some of Michael’s pain medication and took it.”

“And how much did you take, Celestina?”

“Maybe six or seven pills.” I shrugged my shoulders. “There weren’t many in the bottle.”

“Thank God for that.” Catarina sat down on the opposite side of the bed and pulled my hand into hers. “I thought you were dead, Celestina. I’ve seen a lot of shit in the ER, but seeing you unconscious and watching Beckett give you mouth-to-mouth… my own heart stopped.”

“Beckett…” My words trailed off as the reality of what I’d done to the people around me hit full force. “He’s going to leave me now, isn’t he?”

“I need to run some blood work, but you’re lucky.” Dr. Luchasi stood, “If Catarina hadn’t administered Narcan, you’d be dead.”

“What happens now?” I glanced over at him.

“I’m recommending you see a therapist and that you not be left alone for the time being. You tried to take your life, Celestina. That means you’re still at risk. I need to warn you as well that breastfeeding is off the table now. Your system is still ridding itself of the drugs, and you can’t ensure the safety of your breast milk. The last thing you need is to create issues for Emilia.”

The sound of my daughter’s name had me inhaling sharply as the panic started to clench my chest. “Where is she? Where’s Emilia?”

“She’s fine, Cee. Madison has her downstairs. She’s been getting practice in, so don’t worry about her, okay? We just need you to get better.”

“And Beckett?” I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting to hear he’d bolted.

“I called him. He’s on his way back.”

“He didn’t leave?”

“He’s—” Catarina’s words were cut off by the one person I feared I’d never see again.

“No.” Beckett’s tone held certainty as he moved into the room. “I’m never leaving you, Celestina. I meant those words when I said them to you.”

“I love you, Cee.” Catarina leaned down and pressed her lip to my forehead. “I’ll bring Becks up in a little while to see you.”

“And I’ll be by in a few hours to run some more blood work. In the meantime, you are to stay in bed.”

“Can I at least go to the bathroom and maybe shower?”

“You’ll need help since I’m not removing the IV yet.”

“I can help her.” Beckett sat down on the edge of the bed and laced his fingers with mine. “I won’t let anything happen to her. I promise, doc.”

Beckett stared at me in a way that made me shift nervously in the bed. Turning my head away from him, I couldn’t stop the tears from spilling out.

“I’m sorry.”

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