Page 32 of Savage Hearts

The mention of my twin’s boyfriend sent a pang of sadness through my middle, and I was forced to set my bottle down to brace my hands against the counter.

“Yes,” I whispered, fighting back the tears I’d kept hidden from my family. “Every damn day I see the sadness in his eyes, and I know I’m the reason it’s there. He can hardly look at me, and I know it’s because he sees her.”

Arms wrapped around my middle, “He doesn’t blame you, Celestina. Alex is hurting because he fell in love with Carmela, even if he hadn’t said it out loud.”

I pulled free of her hold and turned to face her.

“Andthatmakes it even worse.” The guilt I’d pushed down barreled forward, spilling out like a wildfire burning through the brush. “My spoiled, selfish behavior convinced my sister—the other half of me—to get me out of the house. Carmela would do anything for me, and I used that, knowing she’d do it. Now that man’s heart is breaking—andshe’sgone. Carlisle is dead… because ofme.”

Shoving past her, I grabbed my water and hurled it against the wall. The pop of the plastic bottle startled the kids, and they all erupted into wails of fear—fear I’d caused. I glanced around at the women staring back at me with worry and lost it. Dropping to my knees, I let out a gut-wrenching scream, letting the fear, sadness, and guilt pour out of me. I’d kept it at bay for months, lying to myself and to everyone around me that I was okay when I wasn’t. I’d been walking around pretending I was doing fine when that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Catarina dropped to her knees beside me, but I was already dead inside. Nothing she could say or do would change that. My world had imploded around me, and it wouldn’t have surprised me if even Beckett was temporary—why would he stay? Everything I touched turned to shit, and for the first time, I wondered if my own daughter was better off without me. I couldn’t give all of myself to her because part of me would never be whole again.

“Please, Cee… this isn’t your fault.”

“I don’t deserve this life, Catarina.” I crawled from her arms and stood, bolting for the bathroom. Slamming the door and locking it, I slid to the floor and drew my knees to my chest. Minutes passed as I fell into deeper despair.

Everything was my fault.

Carmela’s absence was because of my immature actions. Beckett was forced to come back when he didn’t want to be here, despite what he said. And because of me, a man was walking around a shell of himself because the woman he loved was gone.

Maybe I didn’t deserve to be living… everything I touched turned into shit. Standing, I ripped open the cabinet and sifted through it until I found what I needed. Michael’s former misery would be my freedom.

Glancing at my reflection, I stared at the broken woman looking back. I didn’t deserve to be a mother or asister.

Shoving the fistful of broken dreams into my mouth, I tilted my head under the sink and let the water run between my lips. Twisting the handle off, I slid back to the floor and closed my eyes. It was too much pain… too mucheverything.

As my mind began to drift, I could hear Catarina knocking on the door. She begged me to answer her… begged me to open the door.

But I was tired…

…tired of living.

thirteen

BECKETT

“So, Beckett Hart.”Lorenzo glared at me from across the room. “Why should we believe anything you say? As soon as Manuel is dead, you could leave and betray this family… betray us.”

My gaze moved around the men watching me with apt attention. I swallowed the anger threatening to control my response.

“Sending Celestina away, then staying away from her, was like cutting out my heart. I never intended to stay gone forever, just until Manuel was taken care of. I realize now that was stupid. As far as the family is concerned, I’m not leaving her again, and I know family is everything to her. My loyalty is to her first… the family second.”

“And will you lay down your life if it comes to a choice between her life or yours?”

“Have you ever been in love, Lorenzo?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

“No… I do not believe that is in the cards for me.”

“Then you don’t understand the innate need to guard it with everything you have. I don’t deserve her, lord knows that after what I did, but I’ll doeverythingto show her I want her.”

“Lorenzo.” Massimo moved to the center of the room. “He’ll have plenty of opportunity to atone for his sins against our families. For now, we need to figure out how to end Manuel and find my sister.”

“You are right.” Lorenzo’s Italian accent deepened at the mention of Carmela. “We do not want to spare a moment and risk a funeral.”

“How do we know she isn’t already dead?” A man stepped forward with his fists balled against his thighs.

“Alex,” Massimo growled, and I watched as the man’s face contorted in pain. “We have to believe she’s alive.Please.”

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