Page 16 of Bad Friends

“It’s room 208. Go up now, I’ll meet you there in half an hour. I’ll get us some champagne.”

He smiles and dashes away, leaving me in shock.

“Paul—”

It’s too late, because by the time I’ve got my senses back, he’s long gone.

There are many reasons I shouldn’t go, but the number one reason why I should is, fuck, he looks good in a suit.

Chapter Eight

I hate the truth, but here it is: men seem to be able to fuck without all the feelings, but women don’t, or at least the men in my life seem able to fuck whomever they like, when they like. Even Theo once admitted he’s been with girls he never had any intention of committing to or even seeing again. Call me old-fashioned, maybe. All the guys I’ve been with were people I deluded myself might one day become my husband.

It’s the ugly truth, but when a man demonstrates he likes a woman, often she reads a lot more into it than he does. He might see it as a sexual transaction, all while she’s hoping… imagining… perhaps even planning, secretly. And I’ve always hated the feeling… that vibe some men give off… like they’ll shag you, but they won’t give up their heart or their trust – because they had a bad experience in the past, therefore we’re all tarred. And still, it works vice versa, but more often than not, the woman (even if she’s not looking for a relationship) will still develop an attachment that the bloke is able to somehow avoid. He walks away, the same as he was the day before, whereas she’s forever changed. Maybe I’m talking about myself, or maybe it’s the truth. Perhaps some blokes even agree with me that sex does cause feelings to develop pretty quickly, or maybe it’s a rare thing between two particular people.

So, this thing with Paul… it’s the most perplexing.

We’re friends. He stated he doesn’t want to ruin that friendship, nor do I, but he lunged at me last Christmas and it basically resulted in us fucking all night long, my relationship with Ian breaking up and my life forever changed. I often feel like I can’t go on, whereas he seems to be going about his business in the same way he always has. I even heard from Theo that Paul is still planning his trip to Asia.

I’m sitting in the hotel room, wondering what I’ll do when he arrives.

Did he plan this? Am I stupid for coming up here? Is he using me?

I don’t get it. If he wants to remain friends, he’s going a funny way about it. He wants to keep me in his life, but also cause me serious pain?

True, it’s a nice hotel room, decked out in clean, crisp linens and fancy furniture. It must have set him back. But perhaps he was intending to bring a girl, but brought his mother instead, and now I’m the consolation prize.

I decide I’m thinking about all this way too much when he arrives in the room carrying a bottle of champagne and two glasses.

“Good, you’re here,” he says, “wondered if you’d actually come.”

I don’t reply and instead let him stew on my silence.

He pops open the bottle and fills our glasses, passing me one. I’m sitting by the window in a wingback chair, but there’s not another nearby that he can sit in, so instead he sits on the edge of the bed.

“What are we drinking to?” I ask, half-laughing.

“Susan and Adam, I suppose. They seem very happy. It’s nice to see.”

My heart aches at his words. He observes them to be happy, but he doesn’t want to give me the same thing. I can’t help this bitterness inside me.

“Seems to be rare, what they have,” I comment.

“Sure does.”

“I can’t believe what a state Theo was in.”

“I can,” he says, voice gravelly. “A woman can get inside a man, churn him up, make him useless and unable to function.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Is he referring to Theo, or himself, or both?

Awkward silence stretches out before us, and I break it with a sullen admission.

“Ian moved back to Ireland. He’s back with his ex. It’s why he was going at Christmas, then changed his mind. But after… he made his choice. He’s back with her.”

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