Page 55 of Seductive Desires

I gave her a watery smile, nodding. I didn’t remember her face, but I remember helping out around the hotel. While I was here, I was too young to go to school and my mom didn’t make enough to send me to daycare so she brought me with her. I had so much fun helping her.

“Aye, your tears break my heart, mija.” She brushed them away, reminding me so much of my mom. She used to cuddle me and wipe my tears away whenever I was sad.

“Thank you. I was hoping to find people who knew her here, but I never thought I’d be so lucky to find you at my hotel.”

Her eyebrows went up. “You are staying here?”

I bobbed my head. “Most of my memories were of here in this hotel, so I thought it was the best place to start.”

She beamed at me. “I am glad. I would like to visit you more. I know of a few people here who would love to see you too. This weekend we will have a party. You’ll get to hear all kinds of stories about your mamá. How does that sound?”

I leaned against her, releasing a shaky sigh. “That sounds perfect.”

She patted my arm, letting the swing rock us. I was starting to get drowsy when she began asking questions.

“It has been so long, mija. Tell me, do you have a boyfriend?”

I sat up, frowning. “No.” It came out a lot more forceful than I intended and she blinked at me, her eyes wide. When I looked away, I felt her hand on my shoulder.

“Was it recently?” She must have guessed from my expression. I just nodded, fighting back the tears that always sprang to the surface whenever I thought about Mateo.

“Ay, pobrecita. Is that why you are here? To heal?”

“I guess. A lot of stuff happened and I just needed a break. This was the only place I could think of that I’ve ever been truly happy.”

When I glanced up at her, she had a pained look on her face. She took my hands, her brow furrowed. “You haven’t been back here in years, mija. Are you telling me you did not find happiness after you left?” She looked heartbroken and I almost lied and told her I was being dramatic. I felt bad unloading on her. But I didn’t want to lie to my mom’s best friend.

“Things were…difficult, after mom died. There were some bright spots here and there, but…” I shrugged. She didn’t need to know about Stephen or what happened in Chicago. It would only hurt her to hear and I didn’t have the heart to tell her.

She cupped my cheek. “I am so sorry, mija. When your mother told me she was bringing you back to America, she said she hoped to give you a better life. A happy life. I tried to convince her to keep you here, but she thought you would be better off with your father.”

I clenched my hands into fists, looking out over the ocean as I tried to hide my expression. Now that I’m older, I understand logically why my mother thought it would be a good idea to send me to him. He is well off, living in a much safer country, with a big house, things like that. But I would have been happy and loved here, even if I grew up poor.

“Carmen! ¿Qué estás haciendo? We need to finish the rooms before nightfall!” Someone called out. She flinched.

“Ay, Jorge, always shouting. He’s going to get yelled at by the manager again.” She gripped my hands tightly. “I will come back tomorrow, sí? We can meet right here and I will bring your mother’s things. We will talk more then.”

I nodded, waving as she rushed off, snapping at the man who shouted for her. I sat frozen for a while, staring at the ocean, the conversation with Carmen floating through my head. There was a point in my life when I resented my mom for sending me to live with Greg. He wasn’t violent or abusive, but he was cruel all the same. He ignored me, let his children torment me, let his wife constantly put me down. I would cry myself to sleep wishing I could go back in time and beg my mom to send me somewhere else. It took years to really come to understand why she would have thought it was a good idea to send me there.

Now, after meeting Carmen, I felt almost cheated. I could have had a great life here. I know Mexico isn’t the best when it comes to schooling or healthcare, but shouldn’t happiness be on that list too? I wouldn’t have missed out on my entire culture, I would have been cared for by people who actually loved me. The only good things that came from living in the United States were my education and the people I met along the way. Carlos, Jo, Gabi…Mateo…

My heart lurched and I stood abruptly, rushing back to my room. I collapsed onto my bed, curling myself around a pillow. Growing up here would have been nice, but I wouldn’t have met Mateo, and that seemed almost worse than everything else. I wouldn’t have danced with him at the gala, learned to let go a little, to seize the moment whenever I could.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to see his face dancing across my mind. Always smiling, always bright and easy going. If things would have been different, I might’ve asked him to come with me on this little adventure…

ChapterTwenty-Seven

I wokeup early the next morning, eager to meet Carmen and hear more about my mom. She never mentioned a time, so I figured I’d hang out by the swing until she showed up. I ordered breakfast to my room and took a quick shower while I waited for it. I chose a simple white sundress and sandals for the day. It was still early but it was already hot. Room service showed up right after I finished putting on a light amount of makeup. I didn’t want to overdo it, since yesterday I couldn’t stop crying while listening to Carmen’s stories.

I picked a light breakfast since I was in a hurry, a fresh bowl of fruit, some toast, and a bowl of yogurt with honey and fruit layered on top. I ate quickly, careful not to spill on myself. I paused in front of the mirror, really looking at myself. I still didn’t see what Carmen saw. My mom didn’t have wild curly hair like mine. Hers fell in soft waves. I loved to brush it for her when she was in the hospital. It relaxed her and made me feel helpful. In the end, her face was thin and pale but in the photo I have…had… at home, she looked like a movie star, all flawless skin and bright brown eyes. I shook my head. Whatever Carmen saw, I didn’t see it.

I rushed out the door, almost sprinting back to the swing. She wasn’t there but I wasn’t surprised, it was still early. I wandered on the beach for a while, sandals in my hand, but eventually I sat on the swing to wait. The crystal blue ocean was soothing as I rocked back and forth. Eventually, the hotel woke up and people started heading down to the beach to enjoy the perfect weather. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky today and the breeze was just strong enough to take the edge off the heat without throwing sand into your face.

I was about to head to the bar for a snack when Carmen plopped down next to me, beaming.

“Buenos Días, mija! You are here early!”

She was wearing her uniform again and I worried I was interrupting her work but the shoe box in her hands caught my attention and I couldn’t pull my focus from it. She handed it to me, chuckling.

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