“So?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Spill.”
“Fynn, I’m not…”
“Battery operated boyfriends don’t count.”
I look back up at him again. I don’t really know how to tell him this, but I don’t want to lie.
“Uh… Fynn, I haven’t had sex in ten years.”
He laughs. Then he frowns. Then he looks taken aback. “What?”
I blow air out of my cheeks.
When I say nothing more, he says, “Seriously?”
I nod, my face completely devoid of any humor. “Yes.”
“Ten years? Since…”
“Yes, since that night.”
“Holy shit.” He stares at me like I’m some kind of phenomenon. And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.
“I just never… I never really felt it, with anyone else.”
“In all that time? Not even college?”
“Especially college. Guys were loose, having a good time, and that’s fine, but I wasn’t at that point, after Cam… after all of that, I just wanted to throw myself into my studies. I wasn’t interested in meeting anyone. Not in the way normal people do.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice low. I can’t tell if he’s sorry or mad at the world for me.
I guess it’s a little of both.
I cup his face. “You don’t have to be sorry. None of this is your fault, and I’m not unhappy.”
“Is it because of him?”
Our eyes meet. “At first, yes. Obviously, after he… raped me, it wasn’t like I could just be put back together and I’d be okay again. It took years to even feel safe again. This man was supposed to love and protect me, and it hurts that the one person I needed protecting from in the end was him.”
“I wish I’d fucking ripped his head off ten years ago.”
I shake my head. “But that isn’t who you were then.”
“It’s who I am now. I’ve grown balls, and if anyone ever tries to hurt you again, Sage, I will fucking kill them with my bare hands.” His eyes are fierce as he starts to get angry. But I don’t want him angry. I want him calm and funny and all the other traits he has that are so lovable. Anything but this.
“I know you will.”
I lean down and our lips touch. It’s soft, warm and inviting. He doesn't hurry the kiss, nor is it urgent like the other night when he left. It’s like we have all the time in the world, and I like that feeling.
“You’re so beautiful, Sage,” he says when we part. “So fucking precious.” He kisses me again, his hands gripping my ass where he squeezes, and I yelp, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“I want you,” I whisper.
His eyes open, and I press my forehead to his. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I breathe. “Now more than ever.”I love you.
Tears form in my eyes, and I hide my face in this neck.