Page 11 of Can We Fake It?

“Too soon,” I shrug. “I don’t know yet if she’ll want to see me again. But, uh, let’s talk about something else. I don’t have anything interesting to tell.”

I get her to start telling me about a friend she’s made at the hospital, and I nod along with her story.

But I can’t focus on any of her words. All I’m thinking about is how much longer she’s going to be here. I mean, maybe I was too hasty. A modest quick wedding just to please her? It would give her some peace of mind, and make her happy in her final days. I know Heidi would do everything to make sure Mom wouldn’t find out the truth, even if she wanted to plan the wedding.

After another ten minutes, Mom is starting to fall asleep, so I help her lay down to take a nap.

She touches my face tenderly, giving me a soft smile. “I love you, Carter. I hope you know that.”

I feel a lump in my throat form, and I look at her as long as I can without beginning to cry.

“Of course I know that. I love you too, Mom. Get some sleep, okay?” I kiss the top of her head, and turn off the bedside lamp in her room.

When I get to the bedroom door, I turn back to look at her. I can tell she’s already half asleep, but she doesn’t notice.

I wipe under my eyes and nose and I close the door to her room, heading out.

But I can’t get the damn fake wedding out of my head.

At home, I sit at my kitchen table, my head in my hands, and my brain in overdrive. I don’t know if my independence is worth it. Not to mention Jada’s independence to get our parents off our backs. Even if this is my mom’s dying wish, why does it have to come at the expense of our happiness? That shouldn’t be how happiness works.

I pick up my phone to call Heidi, hoping she might be able to help or give me advice. But as it rings, I find myself changing my mind. I can’t bother my sister with this, even though this was her idea in the first place. This is something I have to deal with myself. .

She had to talk about weddings. I know she was just trying to help, but at the same time I wish she had never said anything. At least then I wouldn’t be losing my mind over what is best for everyone.

I get up to pace around, no longer able to sit still. I find myself getting more anxious.

What am I supposed to do? I’m so indecisive, and I’m starting to lose it. Marrying Jada just to make Mom happy? Or following my own wants and desires? Who’s to say what the right choice is? Either choice I make is impractical.

The responsible half of my brain is telling me that having this wedding just to please Mom is madness, and that I’m going to feel guilty the entire time. It’s not real.

However, the possibility of alleviating her worries, even superficially, is coming from the other half of my brain. It’s enough to actually make me want to throw all logic and reasoning out the window.

And some part of my brain just likes the idea of seeing Jada again. Of getting to spend more time with her, even if it’s fake.

“Argh!” I finally scream out. God, this is so difficult!

I wish I knew what Jada was thinking about this whole thing. Maybe if I had an idea what she wanted in all of this, maybe it would make things easier. She seems understanding, especially considering she is in a similar situation. But would understanding be enough for her to go along with this crazy situation? An entire fake marriage?

I flop down on my couch, my face burrowing into one of the throw pillows. I wish things were different. I wish Mom wasn’t sick. I wish I didn’t need to marry a woman to make Mom happy. But I have to remember that wishes aren’t even real.

There’s no right answer.

I lie there for probably another full thirty minutes, but I finally come to a conclusion.

I’m going to throw logic out the damn window.

I’m going to propose the idea of a fake wedding to Jada. It’ll be just for Mom, give her a reason to be happier in her remaining days. I think Jada can understand that it’s a dying woman’s wish. I mean, Ihopeshe can understand.

Once Mom has passed, we can figure things out from there. We can quietly end the marriage, figure out how to explain everything to everyone later. It shouldn’t be too difficult to plan everything out. Plus, marrying Jada even briefly would be a real act of kindness for my mother.

It feels like I’m still betraying her, but this is what I have to do. Mom deserves to be happy, even if that means buying into a fantasy for the rest of her life.

I think about how to bring this to Jada, and I decide it’s better to do this in person.

I really hope this makes Mom happy, or I’m just going to give up on love altogether.

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