Page 85 of Malicious Wedding

“I just came to give the ring back. And to ask you not to keep returning it.”

“The ring is yours, my angel.”

“Don’t call me that.”

He’s silent. The world feels like it’s contracting, the block crashing down onto my head. His gaze hurts, an electric burn. I’m addicted to that feeling, and I hate myself for wanting him still, despite everything. If he kissed me, I wouldn’t stop him, and that makes me wish I could throw myself out a window instead of the stupid ring.

“I really meant it when I said I tried my hardest never to cross the line, but I can’t undo what I’ve done. You changed me, Ashlyn. The moment I saw you, I knew I couldn’t stay away. Like a disease, you entered me. You took the strange, twisted pieces of me, and you rewired them into something stable. With you, I can feel like a person again, despite all the ways I’m so clearly defective. Even as a broken thing, you make me feel whole. I can’t let that go. I won’t let it go, not when I know I can give you so much.”

I swallow down the tears. “Stop following me.” I throw the ring at him.

He catches it and says nothing. This time, I turn away, shaking as I start walking. I’m crying, but I don’t want him to see it. I don’t want him to know what he said shattered me.

Because it doesn’t matter how he feels.

It doesn’t matter what I want.

All that matters is he manipulated me for ten years, and I can’t ever forgive him. How could I look myself in the mirror if I ever did? Even if I want to turn around and kiss him, even if I miss his bed, his shower, his lips nuzzling my chest in the morning, his bites marking my flesh in the evenings. Even his strange sense of humor. I miss it all and want it back so badly it’s like an organ’s shutting down the further I get from him.

But I’ll be nothing if I turn back.

* * *

The ring showsup outside of Bernie’s apartment the next morning with a bag of bagels and a note.I’ll protect you no matter what. Even broken things can do right sometimes. I love you. Carson.

“We have too many of these,” Bernie murmurs as she shoves the majority of the bagels into the freezer.

Chapter37

Ash

Istand in my office in Bottle of Smoke. For the first time in over a month, the room is cleared of boxes. All the new dishware is in rotation, the new glasses cleaned and ready to go, all the new decorations placed out around the main room. Keely and Jamila had a ton of fun with that.

It’s strange, but I feel empty. I thought improving the bar would make me happy. Instead, there’s only a sinking realization that nothing will ever fill the void Carson left when I walked out on him.

I sink down into my seat behind the desk and stare at the ceiling.

I’m too distinctly aware that everything in Smoke exists because of him. Not only all the recent upgrades, but the building itself—without Carson’s help over the years, we likely would’ve gone out of business.

None of this is mine.

But despite all that, I play with the ring, spinning it around, watching as it wobbles and falls.

I keep thinking about the look on his face the last time I saw him a few weeks back.

He could’ve stormed after me, grabbed me by the wrists, and dragged me to his house.

Instead, he let me go.

I’ve held onto that, like I haven’t tried to get rid of the ring.

Over and over, despite everything, he obeyed my wishes.

That’s the one thing that keeps me coming back, because although he went too far with the stalking, the money, everything, I believe he cares about me. I believe he was sincere with it all.

I open the drawer, drop the ring inside, and slam it shut again.

Not flushed, not buried. But lost in a drawer.

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