Page 79 of Malicious Wedding

“Okay, there it is.” I slip away from her hug. “Thanks, Keels.”

She gives me a serious, appraising frown. “No jokes this time. What can I do for you?”

“Nothing,” I say, softening a bit. “It’s all good.”

“Jams and I can take you out.” She cranes her neck. “Jams! Ash wants to go out with us.”

“No, please, that’s okay, I really don’t—”

“Yes!” Jamila comes storming into the room. She approaches me with an intense stare, not smiling at all. “We are taking you out, no complaints. We’ll do shots, grind with skeevy pervs, return home at an ungodly hour, and live a little.”

“That’s not necessary,” I say, holding my hands up. “Seriously, it’s the opposite of necessary. It’s unnecessary. It’s borderline harmful.”

“You need this way more than you even realize.” Jamila jabs a finger at my face. “Your heart is broken. It’s shattered, you’re a mess, and your chakras are entirely out of alignment, it’s horrible.”

“My chakras? I don’t—”

“You’re falling apart, Ash, but we can help.”

“I don’t think I’m a mess—”

“You’re an absolute freakingwreck.” Jamila shakes her head, disgusted. “Barely holding it together. You’re so brave, but also so wounded.”

“I’m not that bad.”

“It’s terrible to look at. I can’tstandto see you this way, just absolutely crumbling to pieces—”

“Jams,” I say sharply. “Stop it.”

“Right, sorry, I just mean, I want to cheer you up. We’re going out after work tonight. No excuses.” She hugs me hard then gets back to work.

I level an annoyed glare on Bernie. “You could’ve at least waited a day before telling everyone.”

“Oh, right, like Keely wasn’t gonna notice you’re not wearing the ring and badger you with a million questions until you eventually exploded and told her yourself, which would’ve been way worse.” Bernie waves a glass at me. “I did you a favor.”

“Sure doesn’t feel that way,” I mumble, annoyed, but she’s probably right.

* * *

As much asI hate it, I can’t stop thinking about Carson.

And not just for the obvious reasons.

I should focus on the fact that he’s been manipulating me from afar for years.

Instead, I think of our time together. The way he kissed me, the way he touched me so lovingly, so gently, like I was the most important person in the world. He showered me with his attention, his overwhelming need like a waterfall crashing down over me, and I loved it.

I’ve never felt that special before in my life. Not with my other boyfriends, not with anyone.

With Carson, I was truly the center of the universe. He revolved around me, intensely aware of my needs and wants, always ready to fulfill any desire.

I was falling for him. I hate myself for it, and I wonder how much of that was him manipulating me, but I was falling hard. I wanted more of him, and not just the incredible sex—but more of his laugh, of his smirk, of his teasing.

I wanted to know him, truly know him.

Now I wonder if that was ever really possible.

The day passes, turns to night, and when Smoke closes, I’m attacked by Jamila and Keely, still obviously set on dragging me to some afterhours club. “Comeon,” Keely says, taking my arm. “You’ll have fun.”

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