Page 97 of Not On the Agenda

I lifted one shoulder, doing my best to appear indifferent despite the block of ice in my gut. “I was out for a walk after work,” I told them. “With Frankie. She stopped to watch some buskers and that’s when I saw Nat. And her new wife.”

“Christ, she’s already married?” Alex spat, her lip curled in disgust.

I nodded, fighting to keep the rush of emotions from spilling over. “It’s not exactly a surprise.” I laughed, but it was forced, hollow. “She didn’t keep any of it a secret. But I didn’t take it so well, obviously.”

“Roll that back for a second; Frankie met Nat?” Reid clarified. “How didthatgo?”

“I think Frankie wanted to punch her,” I confessed, remembering that beautiful wildfire in her eyes as she stood in front of me.

Like she wanted to protect me.

Stupid, I thought. I was so hopelessly stupid for wishing I could evenwanta future with her when she’d leave me the same way Nat did.

“Have I mentioned that I already like her?” Reid breathed. “I really like her; when do we get to meet her officially.”

That snapped me back to the present instantly. “Meether?” I echoed, confusion pinching my face. “Why would you want to meet her? You’ve never met anyone else from my previous acquisitions.”

“Come off it, Hayden,” Taylor scoffed. “Frankie is a lot more than just a part of an acquisition.”

“Not this again, please.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I know you guys want me to settle down with someone and Frankie seems convenient, but it won’t happen.”

“Only because you’re so defiant,” Alex said evenly.

“No, it’s because I remember what it felt like when my whole world shattered,” I snapped, my patience wearing so thin, my body so tired of pretending that I didn’t care. “I remember what it felt like to have every tendril in my body go numb because I couldn’t stand thinking about her. It’s been ages and I still can’t form a complete sentence when she’s standingright in front of me. What if the next time, there’s no going back for me?”

My heart lodged itself into my throat, and my eyes burned with the confession I'd kept hidden for so, so long. “What if the next time, I don’t make it back?”

There.

It was out.

The deep-rooted terror that dogged my nightmares and hung over my head like a fucking guillotine. My lungs ached and every breath I took turned to ash on my tongue.

Cameron’s eyes glistened with tears I didn’t want to see. But it was Reid who stood up and walked over to me, hauling me out of my seat and crushing me in her arms.

She didn’t say anything for a long moment; she just held me tight and kept me from falling to pieces. I didn’t care that we were standing in the middle of a restaurant, or that people might have been staring. I held onto Reid until I didn’t feel like I’d fall off the face of the Earth.

Until my fists relaxed in her now-wrinkled shirt.

“There’s nothing we can say that would ever make any of that okay,” Reid said softly, her hands running up and down my back. I focused on the gentle strokes, timing my breaths to each one. “But regardless of what happens, we’ll always be here to make sure you do come back. Even if we have to crawl into whatever hole you disappear and pull you out ourselves.”

I nodded, willing away the sting in my eyes.

Later that day, when the wound in my chest was still fresh, I sat at my desk.

I read through the emails popping into my inbox, feeling a little like a marionette whose strings were cut.

And when Frankie’s name lit up my phone screen, I didn’t answer.

I turned my phone off.

Chapter thirty-one

Hashing Things Out

Frankie

Hayden’ssuddenabsenceloomedover me. I scratched my head again and again, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong, but came up empty-handed.

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