Page 10 of Deep in Her Marrow

I make my way through the back hallway and out the door. I go past the door that connects to Cadie’s apartment and continue on outside. I lean against the wall and wait to see if my hunch is correct.

It only takes another two minutes before my instincts are proven correct. Cadie opens the door and quietly exits, making sure to shut the door as softly as possible. She looks at the door and sighs loudly before hitching her bag on her shoulder. She starts walking before stopping dead in her tracks like a deer in headlights when she spots me. The guilty expression plastered all over her face lets me know she was about to do exactly as I thought.

Her whole body is strung tight and her face has gone unnaturally pale. I have a feeling she’s waiting for me to explode at her for trying to ditch me. It fucking guts me how scared she looks right now. Gone is the confident woman we all got a glimpse of today. In her place, is the shaking, quiet woman I met months ago.

“Ready to go, Darlin’?” I decide not to bring up the fact that I just caught her trying to sneak away like a thief in the night. “I figured I’d just meet you out here to save you from walking all the way through the shop again.” We both know I’m full of shit but, the look of relief on her face makes it worth it.

She gives me a tight smile that looks more like a grimace. “Yes,” she squeaks, making my heart ache even more. “Yes, I’m ready to go,” she says more evenly after clearing her throat a few times.

“All right,” I say as I begin to walk towards the gym. Thankfully it’s only down the street. Although, this town is so small that everything could be considered down the street.

We walk in silence as she steps in line beside me. Her head swivels constantly looking for any type of threat.

She walks closer to me when she spots a group of men across the street. She may not want to be near me, but at least on a subconscious level she understands I would do everything in my power to protect her. It makes the sting of her trying to ditch me a little duller. Not that I don’t understand why she tried. I’m a large man that she doesn’t know very well. It makes sense, even if it sucks.

I glance down at her from the corner of my eye and am glad to see that she doesn’t look as ridged as before. “So, what are you and Jameson working on today?” I keep my head straight ahead and pretend that I didn’t see her flinch when I spoke.

“Oh, um,” her low voice has a melodic tone I could listen to all day, “we’re still working on me not freezing up when he approaches me suddenly.” She gnaws on her lip, frowning. “We’ve been stuck on this for weeks and I’m not getting any better.” The sadness in her voice makes me want to find the fucker who did this to her even more than I already do.

“I’m sure it’ll just take some more time,” I say gently, even though rage is coursing through me.

She looks up at me with a sad smile and shakes her head. “No, it won’t.He Who Shall Not Be Namedused to purposely sneak up on me because he liked how scared it made me.”

I swear to God, if I ever get my hands on this lowlife piece of shit, there will be nothing left of him when I’m done.

I stop walking and look down at her, praying like hell that the anger I feel isn’t reflected on my face. “Darlin’, it takes a long time to get over trauma, especially if it was inflicted by someone you were supposed to be able to trust.” The tears in her eyes make me wish that I could at least put my arm around her for comfort. I have to physically restrain myself knowing it might set her off. “Instead of looking at what you haven’t been able to do, try looking at what you have.”

Her chuckle is devoid of any humor. “I’m a mess on a good day and a basket case regularly. I haven’t been doing anything but, barely surviving.” She swipes angrily at a runaway tear. “I’m a grown woman who is afraid of her own shadow. I can’t sleep more than three or four hours a night. I watch cooking and baking shows all night long and then waste my money buying kitchen gadgets in hopes that will bring me some joy. What I am is sleep deprived and running low on counter space,” she huffs. “It’s taken me how many months just to be able to speak to you for cripes’ sakes.”

“But you are talking to me, Darlin’. You talk to Edge, JT, and even Drav, and most people flee from him. You’re doin’ a lot better than you’re giving yourself credit for doin’.”

“I used to be so different,” she says while starring aimlessly across the street. A wistful quality in her voice. “I used to be fun, happy, talkative, not loud but I never had a problem speaking my mind. I used to love going out, especially out to dinner and bowling. Now I can’t even leave my apartment without having to hype myself up first.”

“It will just take time to get back to yourself. But it will happen one day.” I look into her eyes. “And barely surviving is a lot better than others who were in your position have it.” My heart clenches at how my sister doesn’t have the same opportunity.

“Your sister,” she whispers quietly and looks down at her shoes. She shakes her head violently. “I’m so sorry.” She looks up at me with unshed tears in her eyes. “I shouldn’t be complaining about my life, especially when your sister lost hers. I didn’t mean to be so careless.”

It doesn’t surprise me that she’s heard about my sister. I would bet Edge told her just so that she would be less cagey around me.

I crouch down low so that we’re at eye level. I slowly move my hand, giving her plenty of time to react, and carefully take her much smaller hand into my own. “Darlin’, you aren’t being careless,” I ignore her piglet snort and continue, “what happened to Claire still guts me to this day. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset over what you’re going through. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to feel a certain way just because someone else had it worse. Complain all you want, Darlin’, just make sure that you always realize just how far you’ve truly come and that even tiny wins are something to be celebrated. Even if it is just impulse buying crap for your kitchen.” I give her a small smile that she returns, making me feel like I just won the fucking jackpot or some shit.

“Okay, Marrow, I’ll try.” She sighs and then wrinkles her button nose, eying me suspiciously. “Your name is so strange to say.”

I slowly straighten up and, of fucking course, every bone in my body decides to crack as I do, making her blink rapidly. “Are you okay?” She chews on her bottom lip but, her eyes are sparkling. “That sounded unpleasant.”

I crack my neck from side to side since that was the only part of me that didn’t crack. “Yeah, Darlin’, I’m fine. Getting old is a bitch though.” I run my hand across the top of my head. “And as for my name, it’s something I got stuck with because my brothers at the club are assholes.”

She gives me a dubious look. “You aren’t old, especially not old enough for your body to make such horrendous sounds.” She eyes me warily for a moment. “And considering your name is Marrow, I’m not exactly sure I want to know how you ended up with it.”

I bark out a laugh, making her only slightly jump. “Darlin, it really ain’t even that bad.”

“Uh-huh.” She mutters as we begin walking again.

“I swear it’s not.” It possibly is. “But if you want, you can call me Jake.”

She stops in tracks and blinks up at me. “From State Farm?” She smiles so sweetly that it takes me a minute to realize she’s fucking with me.

I snort. “No, smartass, as in Jacob Porter.”

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