Page 63 of Tempt

Gran and I left before seven am with Rose in toe, and drove several hundred miles toward Shady Ridge Recovery Center.

The drive is quiet, Rose staring out the window while Gran looks more worried than I’ve ever seen her. I think we both half expected to show up and have Rose bolt toward the nearest bus station. But as I slid to a stop in the first available parking space we both looked back to find Rose with fresh tears in her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” she says and my stomach tenses. I’m ready to tell her how much she is hurting Gran by this game of yo-yo, but she continues on before I can.

“I know I’ve hurt you both so much. I know I’ve been a horrible daughter and an even bigger disappointment as a mother and for that I can never apologize enough. But I want to be different.” The tears fall and roll along her cheeks. “I want you both to be able to look at me and see something more than this,” she waves her hand over herself. “I want to be more than a disappointment.”

I hold her stare, unsure of what to say. A part of me wants to believe her words, but my life with Rose has been nothing more than one failure after the next.

“Please, one more chance, that’s all I’m asking. I know I don’t deserve it, but I am begging for it.”

* * *

Hours later we drive away from Shady Ridge, both Gran and myself worn-out and emotionally spent. Neither of us knowing what tomorrow will bring, but both hopeful of it being the next turning point. I told myself I’d never allow Rose to take another thing away from me years ago. I stopped letting all her failures be mine too. But the second she rolled into town, all those childhood fears and insecurities came rushing back. I managed to let her take away one of the greatest things, Garrett. Without realizing it, I walked away from a guy that for the first time made me feel like I was the most important person on earth.

I gave her the power I said I never would, and for that I have no one to blame but myself.

I stand outside Garrett’s door, trying everything to slow my racing heart. Only deep down I know there is nothing to slow the anxiety I feel. Everything with Rose, the sadness in Gran’s eyes, the idea of not being able to repair that damage my distance has created with Garrett, it's all weighing on me.

Lifting my hand, about ready to knock and my body jerks to the sound of a voice behind me.

“Are you planning on camping out on my doorstep all night?”

Spinning around I see Garrett standing a few feet away. Wearing shorts and running shoes, his Air Pods in his ears, and the strap around his bicep that holds his iPod in place.

A thin layer of sweat covers his body, and he is breathing heavily from the recent exertion.

“Out for a run?”

“Yeah,” he takes another step toward me, and I can tell by the concerned look on his face he’s noticed my eyes are red and swollen. “Needed to clear my head.”

“Because of me,” I ask, knowing right now I don’t have that right. We are, where we are, because of me.

“No,” he confesses, taking the last step forward. “From the ache of missing you.”

“So does that mean you’re done missing me?” I feel my chest grow tight and the words burn my throat. I can’t even hide the vibration in my voice.

“Not a chance,” suddenly he is cupping my face, and is only inches away from me. “That feeling isn’t going anywhere; I miss you every single second we aren’t together. I know that won’t fade.”

I close my eyes and lean into his touch. Taking in a deep breath, my lower lip trembling as I finally let it all hit me. “We took Rose to Sandy Ridge Recovery,” the words are a soft whisper, but I know he can hear me. “Seeing Gran, with sadness and the concern, she says she is okay but I’m not so sure that is true.”

“And how are you?”

I open my eyes to find Garrett’s features softer, his forehead only inches from mine.

“I’m okay.”

He smiles, and something tells me he knows me better than I thought and can see right through my lies. Yet, he only stares and the longer he does the more I unravel.

I knew I would be like this with him, I’m in love with Garrett, I know this. He’s managed to open up windows to dreams I didn’t know were hidden deep inside me. He’s made me see a future I wasn’t sure I could have. But now it's all I see.

“I want to believe her,” I whisper, just as his forehead rests on mine. “I don’t want to hate her anymore, but everything inside of me is screaming that she’ll only hurt me again.”

Tears cloud my vision.

“But I don’t want the doubt and fear I feel now to keep me from being happy.” I pull back and look up at Garrett, though he is blurry from my tears. “I don’t want to allow the struggles with Rose, to keep me from wanting everything with you. I want to believe that I can have all of what she didn’t give me and that I can have those things with you.”

“You can,” he grips my face, forcing me to see him and only him. “You can have everything and more.”

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