Page 23 of Valiant

“That could work.” She appeared to be warming to the idea. “I’d love some fresh air and sunshine. Will it be safe?”

He nodded. Cole planned to remain vigilant. He wasn’t putting Eddy or Kelsey needlessly at risk, but a few hours away from the house and the stress would be good for all of them.

“Give me twenty minutes to get ready,” she said, standing up, “and to pack some extra items for Eddy.”

When they arrived at the aquatic center, they made their way to the splashpad and put the diaper bag down on a bench. Cole wanted to avoid the locker rooms where he’d be separated from Kelsey, so he and Kelsey had dressed for the water before leaving the house. Eddy wore just a diaper and was bright-eyed at the change of location. His eyes were wide as his head swiveled, trying to take it all in.

Cole was watching as well. Just as he’d recalled, there was just one entrance and an emergency exit in the splashpad area, making it easy to monitor. He took the measure of people around them. No one seemed like a potential threat. Just families. He wasn’t letting his guard down completely, but they could have some fun.

“Here goes,” Kelsey said. “He likes baths, so I’m hopeful he won’t scream.” She held Eddy out so that a spurt of water coming up from a pad got him in the shoulder. His bottom lip popped out, an expression that Cole had learned met a cry was coming on. He waited for it, but when a second stream of water splashed Eddy’s leg, the baby gave a soft laugh. The water parted his hair next, and the giggle became the deep belly laugh that Cole had heard only once or twice before.

“He likes it,” Cole said, smiling at his son’s delight.

“Just following in the footsteps of his daddy and grandpa,” Kelsey said and leaned so more water spurted against Eddy’s scalp. This time both of them laughed. She moved to another part of the pad where the water shot higher in the air and stepped into its path. The fountain rained down around mother and child. Cole got out his phone and snapped pictures of them together, even capturing a video of them smiling and playing in the water.

He tucked his phone away and got closer to them so that Eddy was between him and Kelsey. The thought that they were a family hit him hard then, reminding him of the dream of the perfect family that he’d once harbored. It was crazy, way too risky. He’d have to sacrifice his career, change his life completely to have a relationship like his parents had—the one he’d always idealized.

His father had left the Navy when Cole was a toddler and become the captain of a whale-watching boat while his mother taught high school. His mom and dad were both home every evening so the family could be together. It had been a great way to grow up, but Cole enjoyed the life he’d created for himself where there were no limitations on what he could do or where he could go. Could he give that up for Kelsey and Eddy? Would she let him? And what would he do if he changed everything for them, only for the relationship to fall apart?

The smart choice would be to stick to the choice they’d already made. And yet in spite of himself, the fantasy took root in him, and he couldn’t shake it. So he gave in to it while they played because he liked seeing Kelsey happy and carefree. He liked the idea of happily ever after, always had, even when he'd realized there was no such thing for him—not that he could trust, anyway.

“Everything okay?” Kelsey asked him, taking a glance around. “Did you see something that worried you?”

“Not at all,” he said, annoyed with himself for being so transparent. She’d picked up on his distraction, and the last thing he wanted was for her to be fearful. “We’re safe. No need to worry.”

“Good,” she said, smiling at him, “because I’m having fun.” She leaned over with Eddy in her arms and let a spray of water catch them both. She laughed, as carefree as Cole had seen her since his return, and Eddy was all smiles, so Cole pushed aside all thoughts of the future and focused on living in the moment. He was there with Kelsey and his son on a sunny afternoon. That was good. That was a memory he’d take with him and carry in his heart.

He took Eddy from her and held the baby against his chest, feeling his warmth and the connection between them. He saw Kelsey taking pictures and wondered how she’d feel about them once he was gone.

Eventually, Eddy grew tired and began whimpering. They took him to the bench and quickly changed him into dry clothes, and got a bottle ready. Kelsey held him while he ate, but the baby’s eyes drooped shut before the bottle was half gone.

“Too much excitement,” Cole commented softly.

“Too bushed to boogey,” she said, tucking Eddy closer to her. Her eyes were focused on his sleeping face. They were beautiful together. Despite the bond he’d formed with Eddy, Cole was still on the outside in countless ways. Kelsey had her pregnancy and Eddy’s early days to herself. It was a period he knew little about, but he wanted to.

“Tell me about being pregnant with him,” he asked. “You said once that it felt like an alien force had taken over your body. Was that really what it was like?”

She sighed and gave a wry smile. “I suppose that’s an extreme view, but I didn’t enjoy pregnancy like other women claim to. It was…difficult. Are you sure you want the details?” She gave him a doubtful look.

“If you’re willing to share.” He didn’t want to push her and would let the subject drop if that was what she wanted. He was about to say that when she began talking.

“Well, I can tell you that morning sickness isn’t for sissies,” she said, her finger lightly tracing over Eddy’s brow. “I was ill nonstop for the first three months. Constant vomiting. I couldn’t even keep water down some days. It was awful. I ended up in the ER twice because I was dehydrated and needed an IV. My doctor was worried since I lost almost ten pounds. I was living on crackers and toast, but by the fourth month, I could eat some foods. Others,” she shuddered, “I still can’t even think about.”

“I’m sorry. Did it get better from there?” He was hoping the rest of the pregnancy had been easier for her sake, but he had a feeling it hadn’t been.

“Some things got better while others got worse.” She gave a half-laugh. “Just when I was feeling less queasy all the time, around the beginning of the fifth month, I started to bleed. I was in an absolute panic. Miscarriages are less common at that point, but not unheard of. My doctor met me at the hospital at three in the morning.” She paused, seeming to relive the moment as darkness settled over her features. He didn’t know whether he should reach for her hand and give comfort or to just let the silence play out. “After tests, the doctor determined that my placenta was slightly dislodged, so he prescribed bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.”

“What’s that mean exactly?” He’d heard other women mention bed rest but wasn’t sure of the logistics. Did she literally stay in bed all the time?

“I stayed home. No walks, no trips to the grocery store, nothing. I moved from my bed to the couch and back. Fortunately, I could continue much of my contract work, but those were long months. Dad helped me so much and kept me sane. He came over every night that he could and stayed with me. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I was so scared I’d lose my baby, or he’d be born weeks premature.”

It was all far worse than Cole had suspected. Through it all, he’d been halfway around the world, completely oblivious to what she was suffering. A wave of guilt went over him. “But he wasn’t?”

“No, I made it to thirty-nine weeks. By then, I’d managed to gain some weight, and Eddy was just shy of eight pounds at birth.” She met his eyes for the first time since she’d begun telling him about her pregnancy. “It was love at first sight for me. He was so perfect and precious. In the end, it was worth the sickness and worry.”

“Was the delivery scary?” He couldn’t imagine giving birth. On a mission, he’d once seen a woman in the late stages of labor. Fortunately, they’d gotten her medical attention before her baby was born, because he wanted no part of that.

She gave a little laugh. “By the time he was born, I was looking forward to it, labor pains and all. When I tell other mothers that, they think I’m nuts, but it’s true.”

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