Page 65 of Someday

I love being able to say that.

I love thinking it.

Time never felt like a luxury before. It was a sad loss from the past that we couldn’t get back and now it’s a hope-stamped promise of our future.

There is nothing, except the secrets that I still carry, that can stand in the way of Theo and me anymore.

I remind myself of it daily, multiple times, when the fear strikes me in the chest and I have that panicky feeling overtake me. I don’t tell Theo about these times because I think he’s dealing with his own fears about us, and because if I tell him how my mind sometimes shuts down because of all the ghosts of the past, I’ll need to tell him the rest of the story.

I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell the rest of the story, so I keep pinching myself with the present.

Stuffing myself to the brim with all the goodness, and truly feeling happier than I ever thought possible.

It’s only in the quiet of the day when I’m alone on the Copewell property, or in the dreams that I don’t seem to be able to fully escape.

It’s a good thing Theo can’t see the full scope of who I am now.

He’d probably run as far from me as he could.

I jump when my phone buzzes and smile when I see that it’s him.

Theo

How about a date with yours truly tonight? Maybe The Gnarly Vine? Or The Dancing Emu? Or we could always do Sunny Side…

I don’t hesitate.

I could go for a burger and shake at Sunny Side.

Theo

It’s a date. How soon can you be ready?

I glance at the clock on the wall. Three o’clock and I’d love nothing more than to get out of here…but I don’t want to appear overly eager.

Fuck that.

Since I didn’t eat lunch, I’m ready NOW. But whenever you’re done with work is fine too.

Theo

I’ll be right there.

I grin and nuzzle Fiona’s neck. She whinnies and I finish feeding her the apple in my pocket. When she’s done, I go inside the office and take another quick shower. I owe Marlow a call, but I text instead as I slip into the short dress Theo loves.

We’ve been playing phone tag, but if I don’t talk to you by Saturday, I’m calling every hour on the hour until you answer. Things are good, Lo. Really good. I hope they are with you and Dakota too. Miss you tons.

I put on a little bit of mascara and smile when I hear Theo’s truck coming down the drive. When I walk outside, he’s getting out of his truck and I’m in his arms within seconds.

He tilts me back, kissing me hard.

“I missed you,” he says.

“This is the life,” I whisper.

Suddenly I don’t think I can wait to have him, and I palm him over his jeans. He groans.

“You sure you’re ready to eat now?” he asks.

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