Page 148 of Say I Do

It had been two weeks since our disaster of a wedding. In the back of my mind, I’d thought about the entries, questioning what Harlow had done with them, but I didn’t want to know. If they were gone, they were gone. At least it was handled. Now, as I stared at them my throat tightened.

“You have to be the one to get rid of these,” he said firmly. “Benito, you can’t love both of us. I won’t compete with a ghost.”

My chest burned as I took the pages. Staring at them conjured up every memory I’d ever shared with Brycen. The bad, the good, the horrifying. Even if I wished I could take it back, all of it, that wasn’t a possibility. I had to live with the decisions we’d both made. As much as I hated Brycen, I couldn’t find it in me to actuallyhatehim. Sadness filled me as I flipped through them briefly.

“You really loved him, didn’t you?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” Harlow whispered.

I shrugged. “For what?”

Harlow touched my cheek as I stared at him. “I’m sorry he couldn’t get his addiction under control. That he didn’t love you because you weren’t as clean or ‘normal’ as other people. I’m sorry he broke your heart. And I’m sorry you had to kill him.”

“I didn’t.”

“Even if you didn’t pull the trigger, you did,” he said softly. “I’m not saying that to be cruel, but it’s a fact. You have to let him go. Brycen made his choices. Now you have to make yours. Are you going to stay in the past with him or come into the future with me?”

My heart raced as I stared down at the papers. The memories I tried to block out for years came flooding back even more, but as Harlow brushed his hand against my cheek and wetness coursed down my face, I knew he was right. I had to let Brycen go. That love had been lopsided for a very long time. It would never be right. The love I had for Harlow could be the real thing.

No, itwasthe real thing. What I had with Harlow far surpassed anything I’d ever had with Brycen. The way we loved each other was like nothing I’d ever experienced. Even if I wanted to strangle the man sometimes, I never wanted to be away from him.

I took my lighter out again and flicked it open. The flame jumped as I held the papers in the fire. The pages turned blue as they consumed the sheets rapidly. I watched as my past was destroyed once and for all. I held the tip of the sheets until I couldn’t anymore. I dropped them on the ground and turned my heel back and forth on top of them. Just like that, something that had held me in place for years was suddenly gone. Relief filled my chest.

“Better?” Harlow whispered.

“Better,” I confirmed. I tossed my cigarette to the side. “Thank you.”

Harlow smiled at me. “Anything for you, Benito. You know that.”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “I know it.”

Our lips connected and the rest of the world fell away. I pushed my hand against his cheek. Long, silken strands of hair brushed against my hand as I caressed his skin. Our tongues met in the middle, tangling and fighting for dominance as we made out on the hood of my car like teenagers. I kissed a trail from his lips, over his cheek, down the warm slope of his neck. Harlow shivered as I licked and bit his throat. I placed one bite particularly hard.

“Fuck!" Harlow hissed. “You asshole.”

“Say you love me,” I moaned against his ear. “Tell me. I want to hear it.”

Harlow sucked in a sharp breath. “I love you more than I love myself.”

“Bullshit,” I chuckled. “You love yourself pretty well these days.”

He groaned. “You saw me jerk off one time!” Harlow laughed as I kissed and picked him up. “Where are we going?” he asked as he wrapped his legs around my waist.

“Don’t worry about it.”

As I turned toward the car and walked away from the ashes left behind, something took hold of me. Everything felt new, awakened, alive. Yes, I still had a world of trouble to deal with, but now I could focus my attention on my husband. I helped him into the backseat where he immediately climbed on top of me.

“Oooh, car dick,” he cooed. “Hurry up and put it in me already,” he laughed. “I put more lube in your wallet.”

“Of course you did,” I said. My phone rang. I groaned as I looked at the screen. “The bar. I have so much shit to do.”

Harlow took the phone. “Hello? No, he’s busy. Hey, hey, listen to me. You go ahead and approve the invoices and work out the schedules. As a matter of fact, you’re the manager now, okay? Yes, Benito knows about it.” He huffed. “I’m his fucking husband. I think I have a say!” He relaxed. “Yes, that’s fine. I’m with him right now, and I’ll tell him later.”

Smiling, Harlow ended the call. He tossed my phone over the seat.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

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