Page 59 of Seduced By You

She encased both my hands in hers. “You’ll find him. And when you do, that’s where you’ll find your peace.”

I prayed she was right.

Chapter19

Leesa

Ever felt as if you’re the ball

in a pinball machine?

“Wouldyou rather I checked into a hotel tonight?”

I whipped my head around so fast I pulled a muscle in my neck. Massaging it, I glared at Kadon. If he asked such a stupid question again, I’d clip him around the ear. Or pull out his pubic hairs with tweezers. “Of course not. Why would you think that?”

He hitched a shoulder. “I killed someone, Lee. I wouldn’t blame you if you called it quits and I never saw you again.”

“Oh my God. Really, Kadon? Is that the kind of person you think I am?” I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms.

He kept his gaze averted, and what I saw broke my heart. My happy-go-lucky, kind and generous, surfer-loving best friend was a shell of his former self. He looked… devastated. Destroyed. At the end of a tether pulled taut for too long. What had happened to him was so huge I couldn’t even empathize. I could try, but I couldn’t feel what he was feeling. What I could do, though, was stop him from falling any further into a pit of despair and give him a good old-fashioned shake.

“Get ready for some tough love.” I counted each point on my fingers. “One, stop with the self-pity. It doesn’t suit you.”

He drew his head back quickly, but I continued.

“Two, I’d like to think I’m not that shallow. Friends stick by friends when times are tough, and if they don’t, then they weren’t friends at all. And three,” I tapped the third finger. “Accidents happen. I know I’ve already said that, but it’s worth repeating.” I turned sideways, crossing my legs yoga-style, and drew his hands into my lap. “I can’t even imagine the kind of scars an experience like that causes, but I believe internal scars heal like external ones do. The thing is, Kadon, healing starts with forgiving ourselves, and you…” I looked him squarely in the eye. “You’re not there, are you?”

“No.” He rubbed his lips together. “I’m not sure I ever will be.”

“Not with that attitude you won’t.” I hadn’t a clue whether I was making things any better by being so blunt. I wasn’t a therapist. I could make things ten times worse. But Kadon and I had always been into straight talking. He’d given me more than my fair share of tough-love speeches in the first few months after Benedict had dumped me. Now it was my turn to do the same for him.

“Tell it like you see it, Lee.”

I risked a grin. “You know me.”

“Yeah. I do.” His eyes glazed over, his attention somewhere behind me, although I doubted he was looking at anything in this room. I’d wager that he was back there, in Switzerland, on the night it had happened.

“Kadon.” I stroked his face, his stubble rough beneath my fingertips. “Why don’t you get some rest? You look exhausted.”

“How does Benedict know?” His brow furrowed. “The only people who know what happened that night are my closest family members, the Swiss authorities, and Samuel’s and Henry’s parents. Plus the school nurse, whom Samuel ran to that night. Benedict wouldn’t have come across any of those people in his day-to-day life.”

“I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t. What if he was fishing?”

“It’s a hell of a line to cast.” He shook his head. “Not that it matters. The police carried out a thorough investigation, and they didn’t put me in prison, so I guess they were satisfied that it wasn’t intentional.”

“Because itwasn’tintentional.”

“Or my dad paid them off. He had the contacts and the money to do it.”

God, Kadon.“They wouldn’t have covered up something so huge if they thought there was a case to answer.”

“Wouldn’t they?” He laughed, but the sound was nothing like my Kadon. It was all bitter and twisted and filled with self-loathing. “The world of enormous wealth is powerful, Lee. A boy died. Because of me. Parents grieved. Lives were ruined. Yet somehow, it’s never come out. Tell me that’s got nothing to do with wealth.”

If he didn’t quit castigating himself, I might have “It was an accident” tattooed on him somewhere visible. “I understand you want to take responsibility, and it’s admirable. But Henry had some culpability in his own demise.” I held up my hands as he opened his mouth. “I know. I know. He didn’t deserve to die. I agree. Of course he didn’t. But you didn’t mean for him to die, did you?”

“No.” His voice was so small and sad that my heart shattered for him.

“Then I repeat: it was an accident.”

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