Page 56 of Seduced By You

As if I’dbeen doused in liquid nitrogen, I froze to the spot. The world around me imploded, falling in rubble at my feet. How did he know? Howcouldhe know? It was impossible. And yet, the facts were indisputable. I sensed Lee’s eyes on me, confused, questioning. Afraid? God, no, not that. Anything but that.

The past never stayed buried. I should have known it’d rise up, like a phoenix, and tear down the crumbling walls I’d built. After all, I’d never put that night behind me. It might as well have happened yesterday. The sights and sounds, the smell of blood, the lifeless body lying on the stone floor. The terror that had coursed through me when I realized what I’d done. It was all so fresh, soreal.

“What do you mean?” Lee’s muffled voice broke through the fog clouding my brain.

“Ask him,” Benedict said. “He knows what I’m talking about.”

I blinked, but the rest of me remained paralyzed.

“Kadon?” The confusion in her voice killed me. “Kadon, talk to me.”

I shook my head. It wasn’t a no. It was “I can’t,” but I couldn’t form the words to tell Lee that. I gasped to control my breath. Benedict said something else, but the words were all jumbled in my brain, reminiscent of how I saw the written word. I couldn’t make sense of it.

Pull yourself together.

Fire rampaged through my chest, my arms, my fingers and toes, and white spots filled my vision. I blinked again.Breathe. He can’t prove a damn thing. Besides, the case was closed.

Lee. Oh God. What would I tell her? She was bound to have questions, and I wouldn’t lie to her. Not to her. She deserved the full and frank truth, but, Christ, what if she looked at me differently when she knew I’d murdered someone? What if she hated me? Or, worse, was scared of me? I couldn’t bear it.

Benedict. That fucking bastard. I fisted my hands. The urge to break his face for touching Lee, for spewing his venom, for knowing thetruthof the man I was, almost overwhelmed me.

No. Calm down. Breathe.

Of all people, I could not afford to lose my temper. I’d spent nine years keeping myself calm, practicing mindfulness. I refused to let that fucking asshole ruin the work I’d put in. I refused to allow him to drag me back to the darkest of times when I’d wake in the middle of the night, sweating, sobbing, ruinous thoughts tempting me into a pit of despair.

“Let’s go.” I pulled on Lee’s hand and made for the winding staircase that led us up to our room. She didn’t say a word the entire time. I opened the door, motioned to her first, then followed her inside. The thud of the door closing echoed through my heart.

I’d never thought myself worthy of a woman like Lee, but that hadn’t stopped me from hoping. Stopped me fromdreaming.Those same hopes and dreams lay scattered around my feet like ashes in the wind created from the embers of my life.

I sat on the bed and stared at the floor. My back ached, my lungs lacked room to breathe, and my mind was nothing but mush. The silence swallowed me up like a wormhole sucking the life out of all the good in the world and propelling me to a life of loneliness.

“Here.” Lee held out a glass of what looked like brandy. I took it from her, nursing the glass in both hands.

“Drink it, Kadon.”

I knocked it back in one go. Fuck, that burned. Setting the glass on the nightstand, I forced myself to look at her. Emotions rippled across her face, the earlier confusion replaced by concern. She sat beside me. The mattress dipped under her weight. Her palm landed on my thigh.

“Don’t.” My voice sounded strangled. Nothing like me.

She kept her hand in place. “Please tell me what’s going on. I’m worried about you. You’re white as chalk.”

I plucked at my bottom lip. “I don’t know where to begin.”

“Take your time. We’ve got all night.” She caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes, immersing myself in her tender touch. I’d never come so close to crying in years. Not conscious crying, anyway. I’d woken up plenty of times with tears streaming down my face, but this was different. Raw. Visceral. Dangerous.

“I struggled academically my whole life. Did I ever tell you that?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“After my dyslexia diagnosis, my parents did everything they could to help me pull up my grades, but it wasn’t only the struggle with reading that affected my ability to learn. It was the lack of interest in the whole academic scene. The pull to engage in outdoor pursuits or doodling on a drawing pad or working with my hands was far more powerful. But I was also acutely aware of my place in the family, and the expectation that I’d take over one of the businesses someday, just like my cousins and brothers.”

Running my hands through my hair, I took a breath. It had been so long since I’d spoken about that night that I’d forgotten how fucking hard it was.

“Nolen, my eldest brother, was the diligent, hardworking son. Blaize, whom you met the other day, is basically a fucking genius. Then there was me. The odd one out.”

“You mean the kind, generous, funny, bighearted, talented-in-so-many-ways-I-can’t-count-that-high son?”

I smiled for about a second. “If you say so.”

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